It’s Not the Dating App, It’s YOU!

Want to learn how to successfully date online? Begin by dating yourself and raise your vibe. It’s not the dating app it’s YOU! Your energy literally flows from you through your phone or computer and onto whatever dating app or website you choose to use. Crappy energy, crappy results. It’s that simple. So, what the hell does dating yourself mean and how does it raise your vibe?

Dating yourself means that you fully 100% commit to YOU.

It means that you start to take full responsibility for your own happiness first, most, best and always. In doing so you start to pay close attention to your thoughts and the way you talk to yourself. Are you kind and loving to yourself, or are you critical and negative? If you want to attract love and kindness, loyalty and respect from a partner then the quickest way is to love yourself the way you want to be loved. Start NOW! Stop treating yourself like an asshole.

Dating apps are a tool. That’s all they are.

YOU control them by the energy you bring to them. When a dating app is used as a vice or a crutch to satisfy you when you’re feeling bored, low or in a funk, you only come away feeling worse. The sooner you start to look inward for your happiness, the sooner you’ll start to cultivate love for yourself. That’s when you’re chilling out in your own peaceful life, and will have an urgent need to go to the store for aluminum foil and BAM! There you meet the one. I’m serious. Like attracts like so if you love yourself and I mean truly and deeply, you’ll radiate that good high vibe of love outward. You’ll attract love, like a magnet. It’s energy!

The majority of people are approaching dating apps with an energy of desperation focusing on what they can get as opposed to what they have to offer. Listen to the language. Clients come to me with “why can’t I find someone?” Or, “I’m just exhausted with dating, it’s just awful.” Or, “I’m a nice person, maybe that’s my problem, too nice.” I’ve heard it all and guess what… they’re all correct. All the negativity attracts more negativity and keeps you stuck with Netflix and masturbation.

This is why the few people who approach online dating from a position of power and positivity, bring an energy of expectation and excitement to their app or dating site of choice. These are the people who are on Bumble for a month go on 3 dates and meet their boyfriend. They are the people who took a break from Match, went on a dating hiatus where they traveled, did a seminar, read a few books and then come back on only to meet their future husband 2 weeks later without updating any photos or details to their profile. Again, it’s energy!

These people are saying stuff like, “I’m just dating to meet other humans.” “I date because it’s fun to meet new people and to see who I’m attracting. It tells me a lot about myself.” “I’ll go on a date if one comes up but I have a great group of friends so I’m usually out and about. I meet cool people all the time. Sometimes I’ll go on an app, see what’s up and I always get into some fun conversation. It’s kind of an adventure.” Then there’s the grand whammy, “I’m really clear on what I want for my life and what I have to share so I’m just cool rolling solo and when I meet someone I want to be with, I’ll be with them.” Badass!

The law of attraction is some serious shit. Whatever we focus on, we attract… PERIOD! So every time you say your job is stressful, your life sucks, you have no friends, you have no energy to go out, you don’t want to go do something alone, you can’t meet someone, guys suck, girls are crazy, blah-bitty-bullshit-blah, all that negativity tells the universe exactly what you are focused on and law of attraction brings more of the same bullshit.

Start appreciating your awesome self and the many awesome things around you. Start focusing on what you want and speak that into existence. “I am basically on a planet with 7 billion other humans and we are all spinning on earth through space at like gazillions of miles per hour and I’m chillin. I can breathe, there’s air, I’m able to speak, walk, drink, eat, sleep, I’m loved, I have so much to be grateful for? Now let me check out who I can connect with on Bumble who is as grateful AF as I am.” Goes on Bumble, connects with 5 people arranges an impromptu spontaneous date to grab a juice and look at the moon. Done and done.

It starts with belief.

I’ll give it to you straight. If you don’t believe you’re worthy of love don’t expect to attract it. If you’re telling some bullshit story about how you are 39 years old and never had an actual relationship for more than 6 months or are a 44 year old divorced dad with 2 kids under age 10 so no woman will want you, or that you aren’t pretty enough, skinny enough, rich enough, tall enough, blah blah blah then you will meet people and create circumstances that prove your self-perceived crappiness true. Your experience on a dating app or website will suck. Believe in your greatness. Get clear on all you have going for yourself. Change your story and change your vibe. That story you keep telling is total bullshit and you cling to it. Why? There’s a reason. Do the work and find out what it is. My guess it’s fear. Fear of getting hurt which is impossible when you love yourself. More on that in another blog. Keep reading.

To the person reading this thinking they are awesome and can rattle off 20 reasons they are “a catch,” feel entitled to a relationship and are fed up with looking at other people enjoying a dinner or walking hand in hand thinking, “look at this lard ass over here, she’s huge and she’s in love. I work out 4 times a week, and me…no dates, what the fuck?” I say check your negativity because despite all you think you have going for yourself your negativity is equivalent to lofting a smelly fart into the universe. It rapidly clears away anything or anyone good from making their way to you. Your mindset is EVERYTHING. Want to line up dates on a dating app start with an attitude adjustment.

When you see people hand in hand walking down the street or feeding each other pizza, instead of being a low vibe sour victim, focusing on what you DO NOT HAVE, be a high vibe optimistic creator. “Awh look at them so cute and happy, love surrounds me. I see people in love all the time. That means love it on its way to me too. If they can have it. I can have it. I welcome in true love. Love is all around me because I am lovable.”

Your fears block love. Fearful energy on a dating app attracts predators with agenda.

Another thing people do on dating apps is bring an energy of fear to the mix. They swipe, get a match and then shit themselves. They have zero game plan, zero idea how to engage, overthink, don’t think at all, and end up throwing their phone on the bed as if it’s a tarantula. Guys will think, eh, she’s pretty, let’s see what this psycho is all about. He’s fearful she’ll start off sweet and normal and then one day, poof, she’ll turn crazy. Why? Because people allow past experiences to dictate their future. Then they create MORE of the same. This is law of attraction! Past person lied and cheated so everyone cheats. Swipe, swipe, cheater, swipe, crazy, swipe oh they seem nice… probably a lunatic. If this sounds familiar, ask yourself what you’re afraid of. What haven’t you healed? Handle it. Then go on the app.

The results you get are telling you what your energy is.

Are you still pining over an ex? Are you insecure about the fact that you haven’t been in a “real relationship” in over 5 years, or ever? Are you afraid they won’t like you anymore if they, learn you have a blankee, see you in your retainer, have a rare collection of Star Wars action figures on the shelf over your TV and you’re 45 years old. Get honest. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be self-loving as you are, where you are; totally cool with you and where you are on your journey. You cannot give a rats ass about what anyone else thinks of you. You have to declare that Boba Fett rocks and an original 1977 Millennium Falcon encased in fiberglass IS home décor. You have to refer to your two cats as your crew and own that shit. Bottom line, if you’re not attracting awesomeness then you’re disconnected from your own awesomeness and your vibe is low. Own who you are authenticity is a thing and it’s sexy AF.

Handle your shit. Elevate your vibe. Use a dating app as a tool NOT a substitution for actually going out in the world, vibing high open to whatever greatness comes. Take yourself out to eat. Enjoy being you. You’re special and worthy and if you’re relying on a swipe match to lift you up, get off the app trap and learn to swipe right on you every damn minute of every damn day, no matter what.

When you love you, others will too. It is law.