5 Common Struggles of Single Professionals When Dating
There are so many lonely, single professionals out there. It’s crazy! As a Love Life Strategist and Coach, the second I tell people what I do, I get the heavy sigh followed by the, “Oh GOD I need you to help me.”
What’s interesting is that most people are experiencing the same things. None are progressing in their search for love. They’re frustrated and demand answers.
After reviewing hundreds of different Love Life Assessments, I received in the past year, I saw that Type-A people who do well for themselves professionally, tend to get very frustrated when they are blocked when it comes to dating and relationships. They believe that if they work on dating as feverishly as they do their careers or businesses, they should have a positive result. It obviously doesn't work that way.
Here are 5 common struggles of single professionals when dating.
1. They don’t believe their city has great people to date.
I don’t care if you are in Manhattan, Miami, Minneapolis or the moon. Everyone thinks their city is “the worst” when it comes to dating. I had a client from Alaska where there are 111 men for every 100 women and she said the men there aren’t interested in anything serious. Men also complain that women are entitled and are in it for the dinners and drinks.
Everyone is jaded and focused on the negative which is exactly why they are attracting more of the same. What we focus on we attract. So start affirming that you met great people everywhere you go. Say hi to people. Keep track of how many people you meet on a daily basis. Dating with purpose is 90% mindset which impacts your energy. Unless you are living in the middle of nowhere, your dating success has zero to do with geography and everything to do with energy. The good news is that YOU can raise your vibe by shifting your mindset.
2. They haven’t gotten over a past relationship.
Starting a new relationship before getting over a past relationship is like buying a new mattress and putting it on top of the old one. Many singles are fearful of being cheated on, lied to, left, ghosted, or investing time only for it to end. It is so important to handle these fears.
Your old rusty beliefs only put you on guard and close you off to the kind of love you truly want.
You've had deals and jobs that have fallen through. You've been laid off. Does this mean you're too afraid to work ever again? You learn and get on with it. The same applies for your love life. Easier said than done of course, which is why more and more professionals are hiring coaches like me to help them detox from their breakups.
3. They're addicted to dating apps.
Most of the single professionals I coach want to know how they can get better results from dating apps. They find themselves scrambling for good pictures and clever headlines to cut through the dating app clutter. I begin by asking them s simple question. “Do you like online dating?”
Many say they can't stand online dating and try the dating apps because everyone is doing it and they don’t have time. Truth is after a day of work they would prefer to cocoon and swipe left and right from their sofa as opposed to doing something out in public. Isolation is a big problem facing singles today.
Then when out in public they are looking at their phones. So while they all say they would prefer to meet someone face-to-face, their behaviors don’t support this.
App reliance has made dating transactional, a "numbers game" as opposed to being mindful of ones energy and it messes with how people communicate with one another. My free NO BS Guide to Dating Online audio file is very popular with single professionals looking for an intelligent edge on online dating.
4. They're too busy to date.
While it is great to have goals and the discipline and focus to work towards achievement, many "Type-A" professionals are living their lives on a hamster wheel. They wake up, get ready for work, work, return home exhausted, maybe work out, eat, watch some Netflix, and fall asleep on their couch.
They might go out after work with colleagues at which time they are talking about work, or maybe they will have a business trip to mix things up, whooopie! Their constant focus on work leaves little room to focus on their desire for romance in an optimistic way so opportunities to attract potential partners passes them by over and over and over.
They simply aren't aware they're being checked out while waiting for their lunch at the sandwich shop because they're on their phone talking to a client, checking email, or jumping on social media and then rushing out to get back to work for their 1:30 conference call.
5. Their negative mindset and language repels love.
What we think and speak we attract. So when a guy tells me that, "women are crazy," and "they have impossibly high standards and feel entitled to dinners and cocktails," and women tell me, "there aren't any normal, good guys out there," and that "guys don't even want to date, they just want rush into sex and then do relationship things without the title," I am quick to tell them they need to reprogram their mind and their mouth.
Complaining about dates gone wrong and the drama and disappointment of it all doesn't allow what's desired to flow. Singles need to be very mindful about how they speak about their single life. Is it mostly a tone of optimism, excitement, curiosity and adventure or is it frustration, anxiety, hopelessness and even anger?
If any of these 5 struggles speak to you, know that you are not alone and that's kind of the problem. Too many great people are preoccupied in the struggle to find other great people while living a rather routined hum-drum life with few friends, hobbies and interests beyond work.
The good news is that you can do something about all of this and quickly.
A client of mine, a self described "workaholic loser at dating" went from a too-busy owner of a home design and textile firm, to figuring out what actually drove their constant need to work. Once that knot was untangled through my "Dating With Purpose Program," they were free to shift their motive or "why they worked so hard from a place of lack and having to prove something to a place of service, impact and joy. Then, they connected their work to a bigger core desire. They wanted to travel 7 continents over a year, to work on a coffee table book about world-wide textiles and design.
This person went all in on the one-on-one coaching calls, the journaling, audio clips, and all sorts of customized material designed to blast through their bad programming and in their case, gutted their mindset and redesigned it to serve the life they are now aiming for.
After doing a 90 day program with me, they re-upped for another 90 days because they saw their whole life shift for the positive. They lost 15 pounds. They reconnected with their sibling after a 4 year feud. They started randomly attracting people who struck up conversation leading to higher quality dates. They also got more focused on their business goals and became more clear about who their ideal person even is now that they had these new "bigger core goals" driving them.
As the Law of Attraction would have it, my client met someone who is a photographer who also wants to work on a project that would afford them the opportunity to travel 7 to continents. They've been together for about 9 months and are working towards their shared goal together.
You can absolutely get out of whatever it is that is holding you back.
About the writer: Lisa Concepcion is a Certified Professional Life Coach through the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) and specializes in helping Type-A go getters who struggle with their love lives. As a dating and relationship coach, Lisa helps people get to the root of what holds them back from the relationship they truly want, radically shifts old disempowering beliefs, reprograms and reboots the mindset to attract love. Lisa resides in South Beach Miami Florida and Coaches people worldwide via Skype, Zoom and Messenger.