Can an alpha woman attract an alpha man?
Alpha women want alpha men but often struggle to attract them. Why? This article explains how to attract an alpha man if you are an alpha woman. Can it be done?
Its all about energy and alpha women tend to be more in their masculine energy.
Women who are self reliant, independent, do well professionally, are often in action mode. They are making things happen. While this is great and actually appreciated by men, this energy is masculine and it repels masculine alpha men.
Strong alpha women often complain that they attract nice guys but often feel like they are doing too much or taking the lead when it comes to the relationship. Alpha women attract men who often don’t know what they want or, don’t want the responsibility of marriage, don’t believe in marriage or will find some other reason for not wanting to commit. The want to know how to attract an alpha man. If they are an alpha woman do they have any shot at attracting an alpha man?
Alpha men know what they want out of life just like their alpha female counterparts. When you have an alpha woman who knows how to be alpha professionally yet feminine when around her man, you have a Power Couple.
Why is it so difficult to be feminine?
My client Tracy a successful realtor was almost 40 and never married. She was engaged in her 20’s but called it off.
Tracy struggled with managing her masculine energy.
Tracy had a pattern. she attracted handsome, kind, gentlemen but then some where around year 2 she’d find herself wondering where the relationship was going.
“We love each other! We’ve been together for two and a half years and, well, where do you think we’re going next? What’s our next step?”
Seems like a fair question right?
It’s one that many women ask. Why wouldn’t a high value woman ask this question after 2 years into a relationship? Her time is precious.
The problem is that this question is masculine.
When a woman asks this question, she must do it in a feminine way otherwise it will repel him or, it will make him think about your future together and if he wants you as a wife or as a girlfriend. If he already knows he wants you only as a girlfriend you will see it in his awkward reply.
“Ugh, are you saying you want to get married? Because I don’t know if I want that. I mean I’d live together but, I’m not sure I see the point in marriage.”
An alpha woman who knows when and how to use her feminine energy, will speak in a manner that will inspire a man to ask her where she sees the relationship going, what her thoughts are about marriage and commitment and family.
A feminine woman receives. A masculine woman takes action and gives.
A feminine woman attracts a man who doesn’t resist commitment. These risk averse, commitment phobic men are typically beta men. They don’t want to step up. They don’t demand much of themselves and they don’t want any pressure of any kind in their relationship. They are the forever boyfriend.
If you’re an alpha woman who wants to merge lives with the man you love, then you better love an alpha man and to get an alpha man you must learn how to master your feminine energy.
This topic fascinates me because I too, consider myself to be an alpha woman. However, in the last 4 years I have used my own relationship to learn and grow into my more feminine self and this version of me is tired of being the man in the relationship. I want an alpha man, a “king,” a man who knows who he is and takes pride in what he knows he has to offer a woman long term.
Maria, my client shared her frustrations about men with me in our first session.
“Lisa, look I’m a successful realtor. I do well for myself. I get shit done. I approached my now ex boyfriend. I saw him at the bar with his friend and I was having dinner with my friends and I asked the bartender to send him another drink from me. I’m a do-er. I put in effort. When I want a man I flirt, may even approach him, strike up conversation. Does that attract alpha men?”
The answer is NO! It doesn’t. It attracts beta men. Men who will adore you and be attentive and kind but, they will follow your lead. You will decide where to go on dates, what to do on weekends, and you’ll find that they can only commit to a certain point.
So how can an alpha woman attract an alpha man? How can she step into her feminine energy more?
Maria, would attract loyal men who couldn’t commit fully. She said she regretted not marrying at 26 when she had the chance because now at 40 she has money in the bank but no husband and no children.
She ends up getting bitter, anxious, resentful, and starts feeling awful, wondering what’s wrong with her? Why, aren’t men asking her to marry them? Why does she attract boyfriends when she really wants a husband?
Why does she attract beta men who she out earns when all she wants is an alpha male, King type who will protect and provide for her.
Because of her energy.
Because of her unwillingness to fully own what she truly wants in a relationship and the kind of partner she truly desires.
Maria had to first understand how to tap into her feminine energy. She had to also learn how to change the way she speaks to men, ask for what they can provide for her, why that matters and be willing to give them what they needed in order to give her what she wanted. She had to learn that men like to play for points and when you appreciate what they provide they feel like your hero, like a winner!
Most importantly, Maria had to learn how to receive from men.
Like many alpha women who want to attract an alpha man, they want a man who they find physically attractive, who is kind, respectful, fun, smart, classy, funny, successful, spiritual, ambitious (or established) able to protect and provide. Alpha women want a KING to take the lead.
Alpha women are such leaders in all areas of their lives that their relationship is the place where they want to be in the passenger seat. This means being feminine and giving up the need to control. This can be very difficult for women who are used to making things happen.
Another desire is that of mentorship. Oftentimes alpha women are regarded and an inspiration or a motivator to the beta male they typically attract. It ends up depleting them. They help their man with their resume, the important interview, they brainstorm about how to handle people at his job.
What she really wants is a man who has his professional life so together that she is in awe of him and she goes to him for mentorship.
Maria flat out said that she wants to praise her man for his big wins. She don’t want someone who is still trying to figure out the game. It’s exhausting! Maria is navigating her own career. She’d like for her man to teach her some things, introduce her to people, be part of a power couple.
I agree with Maria and share in her desire. My clients often think these men are unicorns and that if they exist they are dating 25 year olds. Not true! I coach many of these alpha men. They all want women who are financially self reliant, smart, sexy and confident but not in a tough, competitive way. In other words… they want a feminine Queen.
As Mark a 45 year old trader explained, “I want to be the best of friends and true confidants. We definitely have to be on the same page when it comes to values and politics and all that. It’s important nowadays. We can brainstorm and mentor one another. I definitely am an action taker but I want that feminine visionary so we achieve dreams together. I want to feel like her hero, her King and I’ll cherish her. She won’t have to worry about anything.”
Mark coached with me in 2018, he’s now engaged to a woman who he said wasn’t his typical type but found himself drawn towards. When I met her, I observed how she carried herself. She was incredibly feminine. Cassidy, Mark’s fiancée, is 38 a mom of a 12 year old and a self employed accountant for small businesses.
Cassidy is a doer. She has to be to manage a preteen daughter and business. Yet, this Alpha Queen had Mark pulling out her chair, asking the waiter for lemon for the water, and she complimented his attentiveness. “Thank you my love. You know how to take care of me.”
Cassidy knows when to do and when to just be. She also knows how to receive. She also knows how to ask for what she wants and needs in a way that inspires Mark to “earn points.”
What can an alpha woman do to attract an alpha man?
First, get it out of your head that you’re intimidating. You’re not. You’re off-putting. There’s a difference.
What you are doing, is leading with masculine energy. This energy is rooted in “doing.” Every time you “take action,” you’re in your masculine. This attracts beta men who want to be led by a woman. They’re laid back and accommodating.
Also please be kind to yourself and know that if you were born after 1965, you were raised to believe women can do everything a man can, and more. You were raised to get things done. You may have seen your mom get divorced and then a job, build a career, going from broken to powerhouse.
Your upbringing and world view because of it, made you more masculine. When you do stuff thinking you’re being helpful, you’re actually repelling the very thing you want, an alpha man.
When you call to make reservations, pick the date, cook him dinner, create the itinerary for the day, and are operating with an objective to prove what a valuable Queen you are, the more you actually repel him.
Also and most importantly, that “go-getter let me show him how great I am” strategy will only attract BETA men. Men who are kind, loyal, funny, generous, thoughtful but, tend to sit back as the woman in their life takes the reigns. These beta men operate in relationships like cruise control in a car. They get to a certain speed and then just cruise. Meaning, they prefer to remain boyfriends.
These beta males aren’t as take charge as you want them to be and oftentimes, they aren’t interested in long term commitment. They often lack the financial solvency to provide a lifestyle for themselves or anyone else.
Beta men are often stunted in their emotional growth due to a trauma they haven’t fully healed from. They may even use it as subconscious excuse to self sabotage.
They lean on the alpha woman to take the lead and navigate the relationship. Then when the alpha woman reaches the level of wanting more and that’s when the beta man bows out.
You as an Alpha Woman gladly make things happen because that’s what you do. But… it backfires.
This creates a codependent dynamic where you end up frustrated that you’re wondering where the relationship is going. You know you’re a catch and your mind is baffled.
He says he loves me. He says he cares about me. So then why is this the only level we can get to? Why isn’t he stepping up and talking about how he wants to get married and have this awesome life?
This mind track messes with you. You vacillate from, is there something wrong with me? Or… is he just afraid of commitment? Should I end it? Am I wasting my time? Am I settling?
They’ll say they adore and care about you which is HUGE! However, they aren’t taking action. They aren’t inviting you to spend a Saturday looking at rings, getting a spreadsheet together to look at the financial numbers so you can actually merge lives. He’s not LEADING you anywhere except to their comfort zone.
Here’s the kicker, YOU attracted the BETA male and will continue to do so until you shift.
There’s power in realizing this.
You need to commit right now to lead with your feminine energy when it comes to men.
Here’s what clients like Maria and I have committed to…
Stop DOING and start BEING
Alpha men don’t fall ass over face in love with an alpha woman because of what she does for him or how amenable and accessible she is. He falls in love with her because she knows when to be alpha and when to be feminine and when she’s with him, she is all feminine.
But what does this mean?
Most alpha women I coach will ask me if being more feminine means not speaking her mind, just nodding in agreement and looking pretty.
I used to think the same.
I used to think ah, he just can’t handle a women with opinions.
Not true.
Alpha men LOVES a woman with opinions and intelligence, he just doesn’t love the masculine energy that an unaware alpha woman delivers her opinions with.
Slow down!
Alpha women are incredibly smart, capable and efficient. We get sh*t done. We are decisive and move through life fast.
This is why you reached the level of success you have. Celebrate that! Get it girl. But… when you are going out socially where you can meet an alpha man, you need to slow yourself waaaaaay down. This means everything from the way you speak, walk, move, breathe. All of it.
You’ll have to shift your energy from a woman who walks through the restaurant with purpose on a mission to get a table or space at the bar to a Queen who glides through the room, knowing her presence turns heads because she is leading with her feminine energy.
The feminine Queen glides up to the bar and men not only move to make space for her but they offer to buy her and 4 of her friends a round of cocktails. She politely compliments the alpha man as she graciously receives. “Well aren’t you such a handsome gentleman. How generous and kind of you. Thank you.”
At this point the alpha male is taken by her manners, her grace, and her feminine energy. He provided. She received. She complimented him. He gets points and then wants more points.
Learn how to receive. This is the core of feminine energy.
I used to be the typical alpha female who when politely asked by a man if I needed anything, would say, “it’s ok, I got it.”
The “it’s ok I got it,” response was so ingrained in me. Society has raised a generation of women to be so capable and independent that they reflexively answer according to their truth which is, “I got it.”
This whole “I got it” mindset renders the alpha man useless and alpha men are repelled by anyone who makes them question their ability to provide. Providing and protecting is 100% masculine. When you shut that down you send the alpha male going and inadvertently open the space for the beta man to enter your life.
So here’s what you’re going to say 20 times in a row to start reprogramming your mind to be in your feminine.
“I joyously and graciously receive from a man.”
I learned that the only response to a man who asks if you need anything is … YES PLEASE!
Keep a list if you have to.
Ask him to do, get, give, whatever you need. Don’t overthink just ask.
Him: I should be over by 6pm do you need me to bring anything.
You: Yes please! Bring us something delicious to eat for dessert and a bottle of limoncello. That would be fantastic! Thank you! So kind of you to ask.
Follow the formula… Yes please + state what you want + Thank You + Compliment = Feminine Goddess an Alpha Man will feel like a King around.
Also, when you are in his presence physically, let him lead.
Repeat 20 times…
“I love it when my strong alpha man takes the lead and I allow him to do so.”
This means when you approach a door when walking together out publicly do not touch it. Stand there. Breathe. Wait for him to open the door. You’re a Queen. Queens do not touch grimy doors when in the presence of a King.
Allow him to put on your coat. Hand it to him. Alpha men (if well mannered gentlemen) will know to hold the coat opened up so you can slide your arms in.
Classy.
If you’re wearing heels take his arm. Slide your arm under his and use him to balance you. He’s strong and your delicate ankles are weakened in heels. When dressed up and parking the car, ask him to help you out of the car. “My love, would you please help me out of the car, it will help me in these shoes and this dress.”
There was a time where men would get out of the car and walk to the passenger side, open the door and offer his hand to a woman to help her out of the vehicle. Pretend you went into a time machine to 1956. Watch old movies. Study women like Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor.
Watch how men treated them. Then hold yourself to that standard. The alpha man will be drawn to you because he will feel like more of a man in your presence.
And guess what… you’ll feel more like a woman, an adored, respected, protected, powerful woman.
There’s something very powerful about watching a man quicken his walk to get the door for you as you approach the restaurant.
Manners Manners Manners!!
I’m from New York so I have a New York accent which tends to be more masculine. When assessing my most recent relationship I got honest with myself.
I thought, Lisa, you want an Alpha King then you need to look for ways to really step into your femininity.
I made a conscious decision to slow down my rate of speech; not easy for a fast New Yawkah. AND… and this is HUGE for me, to refrain from using curse words. It’s my New Years resolution. No cursing around men, at all.
This already upped my level on the femininity ladder. The other day I was out and this man I met introduced me to other people he knew and jokingly he and the other guy cursed and then apologized.
It was cool. Like they felt they were in the presence of a Queen and were being boys and caught themselves.
To me curse words are like sprinkles on an ice cream cone; totally unnecessary but definitely adds something extra.
Cursing is very very very alpha. You can curse when you’re alone or with friends or when you’re reaaally pissed off.
When you don’t curse in front of an alpha man you’re teaching him how you’re to be spoken to. When his buddies come around and you’re present you’ll see them all acquiesce to your presence. It will be clear that a lady is present. This only inspires them all to step up.
When at dinner instead of saying that you’re going to the “little girls room,” simply say, “if you’ll excuse me for a moment.” Then watch him stand as you stand. Then watch him stand when you return. That’s a KING level alpha male move. Be the lady who receives that.
Stop proving worth. Stop making it easy for him.
Alpha males don’t value anything that comes too easy. They pride themselves in making things happen. They set a goal. They achieve it. Be the goal.
I’m not saying to play games and be manipulative.
Just don’t be too accommodating and available. Beta men will accuse you of being high maintenance. Alpha men will rise to the challenge because they believe they can.
You want him to ask when he can call you, see you and get on your schedule.
Look at your day. When is the best time to receive communication from him? Get in the habit of designating time to receive him.
If you’re an alpha woman ass kicker you’re probably up early working out, getting ready for work, checking messages, doing all of your morning shit. You don’t have time to banter and bullshit and guess what, neither does he.
Alpha males are up early and into their purpose filled day, money to make, people to see, things to do.
One alpha woman I coached loved the morning texts and initially needed help with her response which she thought would fall flat. As part of my Dating With Power and Purpose One-on-One Coaching I offer real time lessons in The Art of Texting.
Him: Hey beautiful superstar. Wishing you an awesome day. (Star, Kissie, Star emoji)
You: Awh, thank you handsome. Go get that money honey! Tell me all about it later. I should be available to chat around 8 pm.
Him: Ha! Ok great! Speak to you then.
Then you live your life as you normally would. You just put him on your schedule. He knows 9pm. Now you can cook, tend to the dog, talk to your mom, do laundry, whatever you need to do for yourself.
When I coach women I always encourage them to look at what they want to do for themselves and then the men fit into the time left over.
Make them wonder what you are doing. When they call you and you’re at the grocery store, let his call go to voicemail. You’re buying your groceries. You want to be present. Being present is feminine. Multitasking is masculine (again, doing vs. being).
Then when you return his call when you are able, not in 5 minutes, but when you are truly able to focus on him fully, then he’ll most likely ask where you were when he called.
“Aaaah yes handsome, I was grocery shopping. I picked up beautiful steaks and other things at the market. What are you up to?”
This shows the Alpha that you are considerate and have a life and don’t pick up when he calls but instead speaks to him when you are able.
This also shows the Alpha that you respect boundaries, have them and will respect his boundaries too which makes you a feminine, confident, Queen.
Being too accommodating and available makes him lazy! He’ll stop being romantic, stop courting you, stop bringing you that alpa masculine energy. Then you’ll wonder why you’ll soon feel disconnected and the relationship doesn’t move forward.
You’ll start to feel bitter, confused, resentful thinking another one starts off strong and gets too cushy and comfortable. Meanwhile, it was your actions that made it too easy for him.
Be the tequila, not the lime. Chase no one. Attract and receive.
The fact is Alpha Men are not lazy. They’re go getters professionally and they are also go getter when it comes to love. While it is ok to show interest and give permission for them to pursue you, allow them to pursue you and the longer they pursue you the better.
Inspire them to step up and give, give, give. Inspire them to be masculine by remaining feminine.
When you make it too easy for him and senses that you made him top priority in your life, the alpha man will question your value.
I don’t care how hot, nice, funny, sexy, wealthy this man is. Put your focus on your truest love for life and beyond…YOURSELF.
This requires you to detach from the outcome of the relationship or marriage. This is the hardest thing for most Alpha Women who usually set goals, make a plan, and work the plan until the goal is achieved.
Being a feminine Alpha Woman Queen who draws in her Alpha Man King requires a whole other approach. You are the rare gem that he is mining for, not the other way around.
When he knows this, he will ask you if you’re seeing other people first. You’ll never ever have to ask the “so where do you see this going,” question. He will be the one to bring it up.
This is the goal. Attract an alpha man who has vision and direction for his life and is ready and able to commit to a woman he adores and wants to create a future with.
Speak his language of thought over feelings.
When he seems a bit to himself or perhaps a little distant. Make the observation. “You’ve been very busy in the brain these days, my love. What do you have going on? What’s dominating your mind these days?”
Notice, you aren’t judging him. You’re making an observation. You’re speaking to him logically. He will offer more of a response than a general, “are you okay.”
Asking an alpha male if he’s okay, implies that you think he’s not and that’s judgmental and oozes neediness.
In the above example he may say, “I’m just thinking about all I have going on this week and I know we said we wanted to take a road trip next weekend so, I’m just in my head about all I have to do.”
Or… he may say, “nothing, I’m good.”
To which you say, “ok, well I care about you and I just feel your vibe, but if you got it, I trust you and if you want to share what’s up, you know I’m here.”
This is how you create a space for him without sacrificing yourself.
Don’t be dramatic if he doesn’t share.
When you’re upset or have a concern express it without any drama. State your perception.
When you’re happy and loving life then be open and immersed in whatever is bringing you joy. He’ll want to be part of that for sure.
Know who you are, connect to yourself deeply. Self love is everything!
You want to make sure you are truly connected to yourself and that you are fully committed to your wellbeing. When you’re connected to yourself, you’ll connect with that alpha man who longs for a strong feminine as a counterpart to his strong masculine.
When you realize that you want an alpha man, someone who take pride in providing and protecting, and you make no apologies for this, then you can free yourself from any judgement rom beta men who you’ll learn to weed out energetically. Talk about powerful!! WOW!!
You can be successful professionally, thriving in life and be a feminine Queen when around your alpha man.
I coached a couple who hired me for future planning. The man who hired me, Dave, said that Cassidy his then girlfriend of 2 years, spoke very little about the details about her job in finance, but spoke more about how she felt about what she did.
This distinction was intriguing and inspiring to Dave who is definitely an alpha male.
The fact that he reached out to me to “future plan” with his girlfriend was the take charge action of an alpha male.
Melissa, knew who she was. She didn’t need to impress him by offering her credentials. Instead, she would share work stories about her team and how she was hopeful they’ll collaborate and that a solution would come.
She is intuitive and soulful. Dave said, “I wanted wanted whatever that was. It was an energy she had and I wanted to learn how to have it too. I also wanted to protect her. She was so feminine, so smart, and so secure in herself. I had no idea she actually was the head of finance at the company she worked for until she brought me to her holiday party and gave a speech.
It was like watching a whole other person; a whole other badass side to her that was amazing to see. She was so graceful and elegant and then really smart and highly respected. That was when I knew she was a true Queen. She never identified herself by her career. It was what interested her and how she was able to afford her home, her gourmet cookies she introduced me to and her lifestyle. She never made me feel as if she didn’t need me. She made me feel wanted. She trusted me enough to allow me the privilege of seeing how she handles herself with her colleagues. I saw a leader, an incredible feminine warrior Goddess leader.
I bought a ring that week and proposed on Christmas Eve in front of her family.”
If you’re ready to attract your alpha man, let’s connect. Lisa@lovequestcoaching.com