How Work from Home Couples Can Cope With the Coronavirus Quarantine
It's a week into the coronavirus, COVID-19 quarantine and social distancing. The "strong suggestion" is to stay home except for outdoor exercise and the purchase of essentials. That's a whole lot of togetherness for couples who by now are starting to get a bit nuts. Add kids and a pet to the mix and tempers start to flare. Here's how couples can cope with the coronavirus quarantine and overcome some common obstacles.
Quarantine Tips for Couples; Do's and Don'ts
Coronavirus Quarantine Coping Tip #1: Do decide in advance how you want the experience to go.
The main reason couples bicker and argue is because they don't have a plan. They don't communicate about what they need for the quarantine to work so that they can reach agreements together. Having an open, honest, discussion that is rooted in mutual respect is key. Couples can cope with the coronavirus quarantine better if they join together as a team.
Be a team! I know, I know. Eye roll. Stick with me on this. The attention we are now putting on the coronavirus is fueled by fear.
There are many unknowns, which makes people uncertain. What you both know for sure is that you have each other.
So come together and face the problem. Don't come at each other as adversaries blaming it on coronavirus. You have the power to create a great situation or an awful one.
Couples will be tested by this. Coping with the coronavirus quarantine will determine whether or not some couples stay together or break apart.
Coronavirus Quarantine Coping Tip #2: Don't keep the news on the TV in the background all day long.
Instead practice "News Rationing" which means consuming news in 10 minute doses every other hour and shut off all notifications and start to train your brain out of fight or flight mode.
Having the news on as background noise lowers the energetic vibration of your living space and everyone in it. Of course you want to be informed, just don't be obsessed.
A great thing to have on in the background are soothing, healing, calming music you can find for free off of YouTube or Pandora. These beats are designed to program the subconscious mind and strengthen our immune systems.
Coronavirus Quarantine Coping Tip #3: Do designate work spaces and spaces for phone calls.
Does one of you require quiet in order to focus. Is one of you on the phone all day? If working from home consider claiming a different room to work in.
Let the talker be in the home office or living room and the other person can be in a bedroom or kitchen. If you choose to work at a large table off of your laptops, then designate another part of the home for phone conversations or, if possible speak on a balcony or back yard space.
Coronavirus Quarantine Coping Tip #4: Do take regular breaks and meet for lunch.
You may want to consider prepping meals in advance if you're both busy with work during the week. Otherwise set a daily full-hour lunch time and stick to it. This will keep you connected and away from the technology to enjoy a meal together. This is great self care given most people eat in front of their laptops. If you are working in different rooms agree to meet up for a lunch hour. Couples trying to cope with coronavirus quarantine ought to connect with their partner in a way that is more pleasant.
Coronavirus Quarantine Coping Tip #5: Don’t yell!!
It is incredibly jarring and off putting to the nervous system to have your name yelled. When we are already in a state of survival, fight or flight it’s best not to scream your partner’s name. Walk over to your partner and ask them a question or text them, asking them if it is a good time to talk. Yelling especially when tensions are already high due to the coronavirus fear adds stress. You want to create a peaceful, tranquil environment.
Coronavirus Quarantine Coping Tip #6: Don’t use a To-Do List. Do this instead.
Plan your day in 3 hour chunks and factor in exercise and meals and personal to-dos as well. Then meet and compare so you can support one another throughout the day. How can you be considerate when you don't know what the other person has going on? Again, communication is key.
For couples who struggle with communication, I created my Conscious Communication for Couples program which teaches couples how to communicate openly and effectively without judgment.
Coronavirus Quarantine Coping Tip #7: Do officially end the work day with a ritual.
Maybe it's sharing an end of day cup of tea or putting on some good tunes and dancing. Create something that you both do together daily that signifies the end of the work day and the start of personal time.
When you are together 24/7 and it's imposed, forced togetherness, you really want to "segment intend." It helps us feel safe in uncertain times.
When you know every day at 5:30pm we meet for tea or dance to a great Quarantine Playlist, we start to create new programs and routines that create normalcy amidst the chaos.
Coronavirus Quarantine Coping Tip #8: Don’t be a control freak. Do practice emotional self awareness.
When we don't know how to self soothe we become codependent. We end up needing the other person to behave a certain way to feel secure and safe. Anytime we are trying to control our partner it's because there's an unresolved issue or conflict within ourselves.
I met with a couple where the woman was clearly the "leader" trying to morph her fiancee into what she needs him to be.
I could see the codependent bubble that existed between them. Her energy was thick, obvious to me that her past was running her present. She grew up in a family that was unstable, with substance abuse and addiction. She grew up to be successful.
She is a business owner and does very well yet, buried beneath is this wounded version of herself that she’s yet to heal. She thinks, as many codependents do, that getting married is the answer and why? More control! This is a path towards disaster that must be handled.
Many people aren’t ready to look at their past traumas. Many are. Many choose other modalities to help them confront these past traumas. Few actually provide the proper integration necessary to transform.
This resistance to take full responsibility for her own healing, lead her to an energy of desperation for her fiancee to "behave." She thought he was the one with the problem. Not the case, and her refusal to see this is going to be a huge problem down the line as it will continue to play out in their relationship. People aren’t here to behave in a controlled way to make us feel secure. That’s codependency.
That said...handle any control issues. They will only be heightened during times of stress.
Coronavirus Quarantine Coping Tip #9: Don’t parent one another.
Again, be a team! Nothing kills sex appeal when partners morph into parental figures. If you need your partner to clean up after you and keep things tidy in your wake, then you're being inconsiderate. Stop enabling this by stepping into caretaker role. Remember, take care of one another by taking care of yourselves first.
Coronavirus Quarantine Coping Tip #10: Don’t be couch potatoes.
You don't want to fall victim to the "Quarantine 15," weight gain due to a month of being sedentary, eating comfort foods like ice cream, chips and ordering out every other night. Gaining weight during a quarantine is certainly possible. Avoid gaining weight by factoring daily exercise that can be done with an exercise mat and some weights and resistance bands.
Coronavirus Quarantine Coping Tip #11: Do have sex!
Oftentimes couples forget to have sex. Stress also messes with libido which is a cycle. You’re stressed so you’re not in the mood but having sex eases stress. All the more reason to schedule in sex if necessary. But do you get in the mood? First, see the tip above about shutting off the news, eating well, exercising making the priority to feel good. Start off by getting quiet and just lay down together and breathe. You want to synch up your breathing. Then ease into sex with kissing and foreplay. Treat it as something to ease stress.
Coronavirus Quarantine Coping Tip #11: Don’t skimp on sleep and have a bedtime ritual.
Fighting the coronavirus requires a top notch immune system. Sleep is how we repair our cells. Do not fall asleep to the news. In fact, don't watch the news before bed.
Instead play some soothing meditative music, take a melatonin and drift off to sleep because tomorrow, you get to do it all again.
The coronavirus quarantine is really a mental game. Someone benefits from having the masses in a state of fear. Why give them control of your mind and relationship?
Commit to making your peace your top priority. You are ultimately in control of your own peace. No one forces you to watch the news. You choose to. Choose what you allow in your head and in your relationship
That will be the best way to make it through not just coronavirus quarantine but everything.
Want to create a Quarantine Plan that preserves your peace during these stressful anxiety ridden times? Let’s connect!
Lisa Concepcion is a Certified Professional Love Life Strategist, Dating and Relationship Coach and Founder of LoveQuestCoaching.com where she helps Type-A professionals thrive both personally and professionally. She's based in Miami Beach and coaches people worldwide via Skype & Facebook Messenger. Contact Lisa at Lisa@lovequestcoaching.com