What Men & Women Want vs What They Can Get
This was submitted to me by a man, as a comment on my YouTube Channel. I use his comment as a way to delve into What Men & Women Want vs What They Can Get so that people can see what men and women want and make the appropriate decisions when dating.
As a Life Coach who specializes in dating and relationships, I help people to clearly see what blocks them from the loving relationship they truly desire.
The best way to attract what you want is to become an energetic match to it and this means reprogramming your mind and taking new actions for new results.
Ok. Let’s get into what this man wrote. Along with my commentary.
Enjoy!
Be thin and attractive. Sorry, I know this doesn’t help a huge number of women. I would add to this that in the US we do eat a lot of processed foods, and our portions are too big. So you can’t lean too heavily on individuals. Our food systems here are making us on average fatter than in other parts of the world. You have to spend more effort to not have this impact your life here in the US.
No lies told here!! It’s time we all unite and revolt against the food industry. Stop eating processed crap.
Be feminine. Again, I am not lost on how this can be problematic from a feminist perspective, at least in some strains of its thought. I think I am average in many ways, and despite all my feminist upbringing, I can say that yes… the woman who acts more feminine, who dotes, and is playful, and looks to her man for help in a “feminine” way just seems to trigger a lot of positive feelings in me.
Ok a few things here… first my clientele aren’t interested in average. They are interested in and committed to creating greatness in their lives, so anyone who identifies as average… probably isn’t going to be for you but… I will say this dude is spot on about how awful feminism is.
I suggest reading Occult Feminism by Researcher Rachel Wilson for the real deal about what feminism is, who started it when, and why. Us ladies have been duped for decades. Read up on how and why. You can also check out Rachel Wilson on various podcasts as an incredible guest who gets deep into the big lies around feminism and its true purpose.
Value a healthy interdependence over independence. I want to feel needed by my partner. I want to feel devotion. I want to feel that we are going through life as a team. All of this is required by the man also, so it is something that you can’t just do on your own, but being very upfront about valuing this is important, and making sure that this is communicated over the life of the relationship is also important.
The problem with this is that an average man can’t afford the lifestyle required to attract a woman who will make them feel needed. If a woman is earning as much money or more then the average guy, how will she make that man feel truly needed? Needed for what? To be her therapist? This is the problem. Men want women to “be a team” but a team in struggle? Or a team in overcoming obstacles as you focus to achieve and create a lifestyle that meets your standards?
I’m married. And when my husband and I were building our home there were huge obstacles we had to overcome. There are always obstacles in life. It’s the contrast we need to grow and define what we desire. We definitely were and are a team.
Unfortunately few people are aware of how the overlords of this rock in space created a financial system designed to enslave humanity and now we’re at the part where the male and female slaves are fighting amongst one another.
If we realized how powerful we are once united, the overlords will lose.
Once again we have average men speaking about what they want without any self awareness of what is required of them to have what they want.
Same goes for women.
I see these delusional women, overweight, wearing ridiculous clothing, broke, broken, running their mouths off on social media about what they want men to buy them and where they want men to take them.
Bottom line… my clients, the true quality people out there are investing in bettering themselves.
They look at these average people and know they are not that. So star putting yourself where the like minded and like valued people are.
And… High quality people invest in their personal development.
The women I coach want to learn how to get into their feminine energy as they thrive professionally. They want to learn how to date with clear intention and confidence so they can attract the high quality men they desire. If this sounds like you let’s connect!!
The men I coach usually have money but attract users who they think are helping out when they pay for their car repairs, move them in too soon, buy them (and sometimes their kids) clothes, sneakers, food. I coach the generous men who lack boundaries, are codependent “captain save a hoe types” who think being a rescuer is the way to be a good man. If this sounds like you then it’s time to change. Start here!!
Don’t be materialistic. Have a sense of being humble. There will be hard times and as partners you face them together with maturity and grace. Don’t lead an overly aesthetic life unless you and your partner really both want that.
Again, my clients are the people who already know this and like nice things and work to have them.
Materialism is more about needing nice things to impress others and to fill voids within yourself, buying crap you don’t need.
I was recently on The Okto Effect podcast with a woman who needs my services but claims she can’t afford them.
She has hoarded over 200 pairs of jeans.
I told her to select 10 and sell the rest for $20 which would bring in $4000.
Then she can invest in her personal development and change her life.
I saw her post a pair of jeans on Facebook marketplace.
If you like nice stuff, have nice stuff. Enjoy life!!
Understand and communicate your sexual needs. Be upfront, don’t let shame overwhelm you and let things slide. Find someone who you can find a good balance in sexual needs. Personally, I want copious amounts of great sex for decades to come. I don’t want just a couple of years and then it all trails off. Be upfront about your relationship to sex so that you can be with someone so that the issue won’t become a long standing tension through the relationship.
Yet another self proclaimed “average man” who wants “copious amounts of great sex for decades to come” with a feminine woman who also is a team mate (meaning she pays half). These are the average men traveling to Southeast Asia and Central America to meet women.
While I agree that open communication about sex (and all things) in relationships is a foundation to a solid relationship, sex is an expression of connection. The better the communication is with clothes on, the more secure a woman feels in her man’s leadership in life, then the more she’ll want him sexually.
A wife who respects her husband will always want sex with her husband.
And a wife who has high self esteem, healthy body image, is healthy and physically in shape will also want to have sex with her husband.
When a couple knows their roles and thrives in them, the relationship thrives.
I coach couples all the time and sexual incompatibility i marriages are always due to the woman feeling exhausted because she’s not functioning in alignment with her true purpose. She’s doing too much, taking on too much and is depeleted. She is energetically bankrupt, lacks self care. Her husband doesn’t understand why she’s never in the mood for sex.
The key is conscious communication for couples which is a coaching program I facilitate which you can learn more about here.
Online dating… The cesspool of the wounded and mediocre.
This guy suggests going to match.com or OKcupid.com where you can have a healthy length of profile.
Give a nice long profile that explains what you really want. Despite the common idea that women communicate better than men, the vast majority of women’s profiles I’ve seen (and I looked through thousands of them) are not very communicative of who they are as a person or what they want except in the most generic of terms.
I say get off the apps. The high quality people aren’t there anymore. More and more high quality people left the apps. I met my husband at a mutual friend’s birthday dinner party.
Create a fulfilling life with friends and invitations. Do things that bring you joy and that interest you. This is how you meet like-valued people.
Many of my clients hire me because they work way too much and need to create a life where there is more fulfillment. They think a relationship will bring them fulfillment and that’s a cart before the horse approaches.
Remember your energy is what attracts. So when you’re living your best life you attract others who are doing the same.
These people aren’t scrolling on dating apps. They are out and about living well.
If you are living a humdrum meh existence, then it’s time to change. Everything you want in life comes from other people. So make friends and enjoy life and in that positive energy, you’ll attract your person.
You also need a major mindset shift too.
It’s all inner work. The apps are just a bunch of people who refuse to do the work looking for others to soothe them so they don’t have to do the work.
Back to this guy and what he sees on dating apps.
Thousands of women I saw (on match.com) that I found very attractive I just skipped over because they had little to say, or what they had to say in their profile gave me no real sense of what they were like as a person.
For the people stuck on apps I offer my 23+ years of marketing experience where I write their dating app profiles for them in a way that attracts exactly what they want and weeds out the rest. Message me directly for info on how to write a dating app profile that attracts high quality people.
He continues… A major problem I’ve come to appreciate is that most people just don’t seem to be very self-reflective. I’m a very self-reflective person so my whole dating process has been overall an enjoyable experience with little crazy drama that I see people talk about all the time. I know who I am as a person, what I want, and can filter out everyone that doesn’t get at least 80% of the way to what I was looking for in a person. If you suck at being self-reflective, and dating is just this billiard ball experience of just bouncing into people hoping for the best, then yes, I can see the whole experience being challenging.
Agree.
But… What he fails to mention is that dating is about an end result. Why are you dating?? It sounds like this guy is just dating to date. Dating is the journey towards a destination. Learn to date with clear intention and purpose.
If you want a long term relationship or marriage then you need to learn how to communicate that upfront. Click here for more help on how to date with clear power, purpose and confidence! No more dating anxiety and no more frustration!
I can’t stress enough, get many current photos of yourself. Ones without sunglasses, ones with closeups, and most importantly, a full body picture that does a decent job of showing your figure. It amazes me how much shame is inherent in profiles. Why anyone would want to go on a date, only to be rejected during or afterwards for their physical appearance, when the rejection could have happened anonymously and without the painful feedback by just having a full body picture is beyond me. Why torture yourself?
I totally agree!! People really need to work on their shame and lack of self love before they date. To learn how to love yourself so you can thrive in relationships and break the patterns that hold you back, click here.
One particular date impacted me, where I had great conversations with the woman, she was pretty, but she didn’t have a full body picture, but things were going well otherwise so I met her. Unfortunately I didn’t find her figure attractive and I had to decline another date. I know it hurt her, but it was also painful to me to have to reject someone right to their face over what seemed like a superficial trait. After that, no matter how amazing a woman’s profile might be to me, I wasn’t going to enter into a conversation with her unless I saw that she was sufficiently slim in her profile. My standards I concede are rather high, but being upfront about this means that the guys who like your appearance will be that much more enthused about you and thus make the whole thing flow all the better.
As long as this dude is also in shape, then I’m all good with this standard. Unfortunately there’s a sea of overweight people who are delusional. When it comes to physical appearance, stay in your lane.
Lastly…you have to be more vulnerable and passionate. I appreciate how women in particular are swamped by men on dating apps and thus it can be overwhelming to navigate all the messages and possibilities, but if you choose to initiate a connection with someone it really helps to have an open and vulnerable affect and that passion is just bubbling down below the surface ready to come out. I often thought privately to myself during these very guarded interactions with women, “it’s weird to think that what is meant from this stiff interaction is that we would possibly end up having sex with each other”. Women need to help with the romance of the situation.
This is exactly why high quality people aren’t on dating apps. They’re too productive in their professions to engage in these low vibe interactions with random people on dating apps.
High quality people simply have left the apps.
If you want to learn how to become magnetic to the person you want to be with then let’s connect. The world is full of average. What you want is greatness. So become great.
Heal the wounds that run your mindset.
When you change your mind, your actions change.
When your actions change, you attract new opportunities.
It all starts with you becoming who you must to receive what you desire.
If you are ready, truly ready to step into a whole new life, then let’s connect and get to work.
Or do nothing… and get nothing and stay average.
Lisa Concepcion is the Founder of LoveQuestCoaching.com a Personal Development Academy offering courses and one on one coaching for awakened, high conscious individuals, who actively invest in bettering themselves and seek solutions for their problems in their relationships and life. Lisa is a Certified Professional LoveLife Coach, and Energy Leadership Master Practitioner through the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). To schedule your one on one session with Lisa click here.