Why You Attract Unavailable Men and What to Do About It
One of the most common issues women come to me with is that they attract unavailable men. Perhaps these men are married or simply not interested in being in a committed relationship. These men are unavailable and here’s why you attract unavailable men and what to do about it.
You have an unhealed wounded inner child or inner teen.
Many adult women have a wounded inner child or teen inside them who is seeking the love, care, affirmation and attention they needed from their parents and adult caretakers but never got.
This lack of nurturing creates a deep inner void which leads to codependency, a need for external validation and a lowering of standards and boundaries.
There’s a profound yearning to be seen, heard, validated, loved and cared for and this leads to people pleasing, saying yes when you mean no and wanting to be approved of and liked.
Women who value themselves and know they’re worthy don’t settle for situationships with unavailable men.
They simply reject men who are married or unavailable.
When the inner child is still wounded, that inner child will search outside you for what it needs. This leads to the inner child choosing unavailable men. Let me repeat, you aren’t choosing these unavailable men. Your wounded inner child is.
When you learn to heal your wounded inner child and develop self love, you will no longer attract unavailable men.
2. You have self esteem issues.
If you aren’t feeling your best then you’ll attract unavailable men. This is a continuation of the wounded inner child who is searching for approval and validation from men.
There are predatory narcissistic men who prey upon women with low self esteem. These men lovebomb these women feeding them the sweetness or compliments and approval, the dopamine they are desperate for.
Learning how to love yourself is the fastest way to build self esteem. if you are reading this, searching the internet for a solution for how to stop attracting unavailable men then this is your sign that you are ready for this work.
There are no accidents. You were meant to not only read this but get into self loving action.
3. You have arrested development.
Women with arrested development behave as a teen when it comes to men. They feel butterflies, are giddy, have crushes, get into inappropriate relationships with unavailable married men and seem to have an immaturity, a lack of self awareness and no sense of right and wrong.
They often feel shame and guilt for getting into these situationships and know it’s wrong, especially when they are the other woman. They know it’s wrong yet they can’t end it. Why?
Women with arrested development let romance and excitement rule them. These are typically the women who become emotional security blankets to married men.
The married men complain to them about their wives yet, they never leave their wives and all these women get are situationships, a waste of time but because they are arrested in their emotional development, they are easily breadcrumbed as they get a rush when the unavailable man reaches out.
This is like a teenager getting attention from their crush. They derive their value by the attention their crush gives them. But it goes nowhere and is self harming.
Inner healing takes care of this as it is important to get to the root of the trauma that occurred between infancy and age 20. This is where the arrested emotional development comes from. Then it plays out in adulthood through the choices made in relationships.
4. You are unavailable to yourself.
When you aren’t showing up fully for yourself you’ll attract the like energy of an unavailable man. What does showing up for yourself look like? It’s holding yourself accountable, having self discipline, excellent self care, emotional awareness, the ability to self soothe and regulate your nervous system.
To determine your self availability or lack there of, answer these questions honestly. Then get your free lovelife assessment to start your shift.
What is your self care regimen?
What do you do on a daily basis to connect to yourself?
What are you eating and drinking?
Are you overweight?
Are you there for yourself as you would be a lover or friend?
Are you living authentically or inauthentically?
Do you tolerate improper treatment only to then explode in anger?
Are you pleasing others at your expense?
Are you hyper independent and masculine?
Do you have a bedtime and wake time without sleep disturbances?
Do you journal, meditate, pray or do another activity to connect you to infinite intelligence?
5. You’re not self loving and aren’t enjoying a fulfilling life.
Women who lack self love will attract unavailable men. There’s a lack of fulfillment and you’re not truly satisfied with where you are in life. You have regrets and an inner talk that is critical and judgmental.
It’s time to learn to love yourself. Self loving women have true confidence and radiate feminine energy. They force nothing and are open to all the goodness life has to offer them.
They believe in themselves, are kind and realistic with themselves and commit to working on their betterment and growth.
Click here for more info and support on self love.
So what to do to stop attracting unavailable men?
First and foremost, you want to heal your wounded inner child. This is the key. Everything falls into place in life when you are the leader, making wise decisions from your powerful adult place.
You don’t want a wounded 6 year old choosing your men. That’s what’s been essentially going on.
Inner Child Work, at least the way I teach it doesn’t mean going back and reliving old traumas. No!! This isn’t at all what it’s about.
Inner Child Work is a powerful process where you rescue your younger selves, take them on, and commit to protecting, guiding, loving, nurturing them and when necessary, disciplining them.
This is how we regulate our emotions, step into feminine power, the energy that is magnetic to masculine, capable, doting, men.
You have a vision in your mind and a feeling in your heart about your ideal man who was put here to adore you.
Yet, there’s a valid reason why you’re blocked from meeting this incredible man.
Are you ready to find out what your block is?
Click here to get your free lovelife assessment or, click here to schedule your one on one session with me and let’s get you to become a match to available men.
Lisa Concepcion is a Certified Professional LoveLife Coach and Founder of LoveQuestCoaching.com and specializes in Inner Child Work and Reconnection Work to help people to heal whatever blocks them from the love they truly desire. Lisa coaches people worldwide via video conference and is soon launching LoveQuest Academy, a personal development portal offering digital courses, digital seminars, worksheets, and group coaching. Lisa resides in Florida, USA with her husband Mark and their Pomsky, Kevin.