Is Your Wounded Inner Child Is Messing Up Your Relationships? How to tell and what to do.
Is your wounded inner child is messing up your relationships? Most likely. This article explains how to tell and what to do when your wounded inner child is running the show in your relationships.
When your Inner Child is messing up your relationships you feel as if you know what’s good for you but can’t seem to avoid dysfunctional or unfulfilling relationships.
You see the patterns. Perhaps you explored your childhood and are very aware of what you experienced as a kid. However, you’re still attracting the same types of people and situations. Here’s why.
Imagine there are two sides to you; the side that is reading this article Google searching “why do I attract unavailable men,” (or women), “How to break relationship patterns, or Inner Child Work.”
You’ve experienced yet another relationship disappointment, and are fed up with the same old patterns despite therapy or inner work.
Then, there’s the other version of you which is a past wounded younger child or teenaged version of you who is in the driver’s seat running the show choosing the wrong people, staying too long, holding onto hope that they’ll change and wasting time you’ll never get back on relationships with narcissists, people who need fixing, and unavailable people.
These two versions will continue to be at battle until the adult version of you who is right here reading this article decides to commit to Inner Child Reconnection and Reparenting Work which I did myself and now teach.
Trust me when I tell you, it’s the missing piece of your puzzle to achieve the healing you want.
Get your FREE Introduction to Inner Child Reconnection & Re-Parenting Worksheets
Now what happens when your wounded inner child / children and even teen are taking the lead and calling the shots in your love life?
You find yourself repeating patterns.
You attract similar and familiar relationship dynamics that you experienced as a child.
You attract addicts, abusers and unavailable people.
You try to fix everyone hoping they’ll change.
You feel detached from your own emotions, feel numb and don’t advocate for yourself. In other words, you tolerate bullsh*t.
You struggle in relationships.
You stay stuck in your head and can’t drop into your center, your heartspace where your deep intuition resides.
You are hyper-independent, self reliant and rarely, if ever ask anyone for help.
You lack boundaries and standards.
You think attention is love, fall for love bombing, future faking and feel good when those text messages come in frequently, then anxious when they stop.
You are swept up by charming people who seem great on the surface and once intimate, become even more intoxicating.
You lose yourself in relationships and when allowing time for reflection feel as if the relationship is all about them. They don’t really care about the details of your life and what truly matters to you.
You try breaking up but find yourself going back to them and continue the trauma bond wasting years of your life.
You might heal certain aspects of yourself and life might be functioning well in many areas however, when it comes to relationships you struggle to comprehend why you make such bad decisions that don’t serve you and in fact harm you emotionally.
You find yourself in relationships where the person isn’t for you, you know this yet you hang on to hope that they’ll change, get that divorce finalized, move to your city, get off the drugs or booze etc…
You only go so deep with yourself and your healing. You’re not fully integrated which means new knowledge inspiring new behavior resulting in better outcomes when it comes to relationships.
Deep down you know there’s a disconnect. You’ve read the books, watched the videos, perhaps even did therapy.
Fully healing your wounded inner child is how real lasting change leads to your creating a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship.
Get your FREE Introduction to Inner Child Reconnection & Re-Parenting Worksheets
Ignoring the inner child (children) is a form of self neglect. Oftentimes my clients are people pleasers who lose themselves in caretaking others so they can continue to avoid taking care of themselves.
It’s easier to cling to a narrative and role of martyr than it is to make new personal agreements based on what you truly need and then choose to behave in accordance with those new agreements.
So you continue to doubt yourself.
You break up but find yourself back again.
Why? Because you are at odds with yourself when your wounded inner child/ children are neglected and left to run your love life.
Let’s look at Samantha for example. Samantha’s parents were very dysfunctional. She and her siblings couldn’t have any peace. Her parents were always making snide comments, insulting, exploding, blaming.
Her dad was a functioning alcoholic so the whole family would walk on eggshells anticipating his arrival wondering will dad be sober or not?
As a young girl Samantha would keep to herself, play in her room with her little sister.
Her older brother often turned to friends and left to avoid the stress in the home.
By the time Samantha was 8 her parents were divorced and her mother left her children, went away to an institution due to an emotional breakdown. Samantha assumed the role of mother.
She was a little girl cleaning, cooking, taking care of her father and siblings.
This entire experience made Samantha’s nervous system setpoint aligned with abandonment, self sacrifice, self avoidance, codependency, survival and caretaking.
She was taught that she had to take care of the adults and her siblings. She stopped thinking about who would care for her and questioned if she was even worthy of anyone’s care. She figured, no point in dwelling on what I need, my little sister, father and brother need to eat.
Fast forward to Samantha’s adult experiences in relationships and she finds herself in multi year Long Distance Relationships with married men or narcissistic men who are all wrapped up in themselves.
She does very well for herself, a side benefit for being forced to be hyper capable at such a young age.
However, despite her independence, emotionally she is still a wounded child yearning for the love, care, concern, guidance, consistency, and quality time she wanted from her parents but never got.
When it comes to career, finances, she’s on point.
When it comes to matters of the heart, she’s lost.
Reconnecting with her past wounded versions of herself, her inner children and reparenting them is what’s needed in order for Samatha to take the lead, gain confidence in her ability to make solid decisions that serve her emotional well being when it comes to relationships.
Can you relate to Samantha?
Get started by requesting the Free Inner Child Work Packet
What are the benefits of doing Inner Child Reconnection and Reparenting? What can you expect?
More empowerment as you boldly decide what is best for your “kids,” set boundaries, clear standards for what types of people gain access to you (and your inner children).
Self love as you begin to care deeply for yourself and your emotional well being.
Self confidence in your ability to end relationships that don’t serve you, that string you along, that quite frankly, waste your time.
You won’t attract narcissistic people who neglect you, make excuses, and only are available when they are in the mood for you.
You won’t recreate relationship patterns that mimic dynamics you had with parents as a kid.
Your nervous system’s set point will start to shift to one that prefers peace, harmony, ease and flow and will lead to a shift in your energy making you attractive to healthy, peaceful people.
You’ll develop an intolerance for any neglectful behavior, ambiguity or inconsistency and will swiftly remove yourself from any situation or relationship that shows these things.
You’ll make your decisions based on actions as opposed to words, reality instead of fantasy.
You’ll be grounded and aware based on what is and won’t fall for tall tales of what might be in the future.
You’ll become clear about what you truly want and won’t settle for anything less.
I learned about Inner Child Reconnection and Reparenting Work when I was 44 and going through divorce. It helped me cure myself of codependency by tending to my inner children’s needs, establishing boundaries, standards.
I took a full year to myself. I learned through Inner Child Work that I am worthy because God says so, not people. That my Creator is the ever flowing source for unconditional love. That I am never alone and always divinely guided, and supported with unconditional love for all eternity.
I detached from the need to be valued by a romantic partner. It was a great added extra in my life but not the center of my beingness.
I also enhanced my discernment and developed self trust. I knew that I couldn’t be hurt by anyone, that people can come and go and let me down but none of that impacted my worthiness.
I became an unfuc*withable bada$$ and changed my entire career to help others become the same.
So get started on your own Inner Child Work. Take the first step.
Get started by requesting the Free Inner Child Work Packet.
You can get on my calendar for your one on one session here.
I’m glad you found this article and I trust the universe brought it to you at the right moment. Take action and change your life. I can help you.
Lisa Concepcion is a Certified Professional Life Coach who helps people to cure codependency, date with confidence, get over break ups, reinvent themselves after divorce with her signature “LoveQuest 3R Method to Self Love" which calls for radical Reconnection, Recovery, and Reinvention. Lisa has been featured as a dating and relationship expert in dozens of media articles, podcasts, and summits. Based in Florida, Lisa coaches people worldwide via video conference. To connect with Lisa click here.