Stuck at Mid Life? How to Reinvent Yourself Over 40
As a life coach, I’m often approached by people who are stuck at mid life. They have no idea how they ended up where they are and look back at the decisions they made at key moments in life. They beat themselves up. Despite having career success, they aren’t fulfilled. They want something more. They just don’t know what holds them back. At 44 I was called to my own reinvention. I was lost! Then I found myself and teach others to do the same. Here’s how to reinvent yourself over 40.
Reinventing yourself over 40 requires a clear vision for your life.
So many people are just existing. They are ok when it comes to their careers, but when it comes to their love life, dating, relationships even building friendships and a social life, they come up short. They succumb to a life of sleep, wake up, get ready for work, work, commute home, eat, watch TV, repeat.
This is a miserable existence and certainly not one that others want to be a part of. When you’re going on dates and have absolutely no idea what to share about yourself and worry that you seem boring, that a massive signal a mid life reinvention might be what’s needed. When you’re married or in a relationship and a feeling of being stuck on a treadmill of life reinvention is the key.
I find so many people over 40 who want to reinvent themselves and they look outside themselves to other people.
Reinventing yourself over 40 is about vision. Getting super clear about what kind of life you want, then living that life now, as in immediately is how to begin the reinvention journey.
Arrested development is a dangerous thing, especially over 40.
Recently a woman in her 40’s, we’ll call her Stephanie, reached out to me saying that she is stuck in her life. She does well professionally. She’s traveled worldwide thanks to her career yet, when it comes to her personal life she’s in a rut. She never married, watched her friends do that. She never had kids. “I watched life literally pass me by as I remained in comfortable situations for too long. I guess I need a push,” she said.
She’s clinging to the comfort zone of living with her mother in a city she doesn’t even like and ready for this? Her job can be done from anywhere in the USA. What is she so afraid of?
She’s interested in being a mother yet she’s still a child herself. The push she needs has to come from inside her. Will she agree to start to reinvent herself? She said she knows she has to do something. Her Google search led her to my website. Will she go all in 100% committed? Or, will she remain stuck knowing she has to do something yet not doing anything?
When thinking about how to reinvent yourself over 40 it’s important to look at where you are stuck and why. This is something I help people get clarity on.
It’s not about a romantic partner. Reinvention over 40 is about falling in love with yourself.
Self love is this nebulous, elusive thing that we see on social media memes. Few people really know how to love themselves. What we have are a bunch of broken people looking for love outside of themselves. Others in relationships think it’s their partners job to create a life of fulfillment for them. They have it backwards.
They want someone to provide what they cannot offer themselves. This is dangerous and incredibly codependent. Quick things to consider when it comes to self love are…
What wounded version of you is running the show when it comes to who and what you are choosing in your life and how you are operating in relationships?
What does this version of you want? What do they need to feel peaceful, cared for, nurtured, accepted and loved?
Are you willing to take loving action to give that wounded version of you what it needs?
To successfully reinvent yourself over 40, get ready to get really uncomfortable.
In 2015, at 44 I went through a divorce. My personal and professional life was a disaster. Before I was a life coach who specialized in dating and relationships (and lately mid life reinvention), I spent my 30’s climbing the corporate ladder as a public relations executive.
I wasn’t fulfilled by this job at all and the cushy six figure salary, bi-monthly paycheck gave me a false sense of security. It kept me comfortable and stuck which is very dangerous.
Growing up my dad would always say that he didn’t need to be rich, he just wanted to be comfortable. This idea of being comfortable was programmed into my subconscious. Part of my reinvention at age 44 and subsequent years that followed required me to radically shift paradigms. Comfort is a growth killer and when you study the most successful people they all say that you need to eat shit for a long time, get really uncomfortable in order to live a life that is stellar.
I had to get uncomfortable and through there I was able to create a really awesome life.
I wake up without an alarm clock. I live blocks away from the beach. I organize my day according to what feels aligned and good to me.
I’m way more fulfilled in my life. I’m peaceful in my relationship, excited for what I’ll create in the next decade. I’m always moving forward, never stuck.
I had to hit 10 feet under rock bottom to learn that dodging discomfort is the path to an uncomfortable life. When I feel too cushy and comfortable I look for what's next. I’m no where near to reaching my goal because when I reach one goal I’m moving onto the next and the next.
When I worked as the Director of Marketing and PR for self made multimillionaire entrepreneur, Grant Cardone (2013-2014), I learned to set a goal so big that it keeps you busy for 5 lifetimes.
If you want to reinvent yourself over 40, start now.
The reason you are stuck is because of overthinking. Chronic overthinking creates situations to deal with, not a thriving life.
Other reasons for being stuck in your life over 40 wondering how to reinvent yourself include…
You are disconnected from yourself.
You’re caught up in past traumas.
You’re letting your faithless ego run the show and is keeping you safe and small.
There’s a win in it. Maybe you get attention from parents or to feel like a coddled little kid. Again, arrested development keeps you stuck.
You’re set in your ways, have bought into your self judgements and labels and allow them to serve as the justification for your limitations. It’s time to grow up buttercup.
As a former hot mess codependent who transformed herself and now teaches others to do the same, I know how important it is to start small and get around people who can help you make up for lost time.
My over 40 reinvention had me working with coaches, not just reading books but fully immersing myself in the content and actually studying myself through the content I consumed. It takes work! I love it when a client has that moment along their 90 day journey with me where they get it. They just go for it.
They leave a job, get a new one, leave a relationship, finally get comfortable with being on their own, whatever their circumstance they decide to show up fully for themselves. I did this. My clients do this.
You can too.
I realized I was born to thrive and not struggle. I deserved more than just being comfortable. I deserve to be extraordinary and live a life of abundance. I want to live a great life.
To do this I had to get to the root of what holds me back. This is a daily evaluation which I boiled down to the following request.
“Help me become the version of myself that has that, lives like that, does that, etc.”
The first step of my reinvention and transformation was to decide I was worthy of more. Then I made creating more my mission.
Are you ready to step up for yourself and create more in your life?
If you’re over 40 and not too thrilled about where life has taken you, it’s time to reinvent. You can’t allow another year to go by without any change or growth. Get out of your own way.
I can help you but only if you really want to be, do, or have more. I know you’re worth it. Do you believe you are?