Alpha Women, Stop Doing These 5 Things When Dating!
As a Certified Professional Life Coach who specializes in dating and relationships, my clients are typically successful, driven people who do very well professionally but struggle with relationships. Specifically in this case we will look at women and how their strengths which make them successful professionally often are dating liabilities. If you're a high-achieving woman who's struggling to attract emotionally available, masculine men, this is for you.
Here are 5 common mistakes successful women make when dating and what to do instead.
🚫 1. Leading Instead of Receiving
The Turn-Off:
Masculine men want to lead. When you plan the dates, initiate every conversation, and take control of the flow, it puts you in the masculine, which leaves no room for his masculinity. The problem here is that your nervous system isn’t regulated. There’s a good reason for this. Usually it’s unaddressed past versions of you who still carry trauma. There’s a reason for your need to control. What are you so afraid of? It’s time for you to get to the root cause for why you show up as you do so you can shift it. This is what I help women to do.
After just 4 sessions with me, women feel more at ease, are more creative and focused at work, and find their colleagues and team members are more in flow with them. These women feel more productive and less stressed.
Inner work helps them also show up on dates way more relaxed, softer, more feminine which attracts the type of masculine men they desire.
If you are fed up with attracting beta males who need fixing and direction in life and want to be with a man who you can learn from, admire, respect and feel desire towards plus feel cared for as a woman, then start here and get your Free LoveLife Assessment for clarity on what’s going on and why.
It’s time to finally sort this out. Time waits for no one and if you are reading this it’s most likely because you were searching to understand what you, a successful woman, is doing wrong when dating and how to attract high quality masculine men as an alpha woman.
What To Do Instead:
Practice receiving. Tell him what type of food you like and the types of places where you had great meals or new places you would like to try so he has an idea of your preferences. Then sit back and let him choose the restaurant, open the door, follow up first. This doesn’t mean you’re powerless, it means you’re magnetic. Femininity is not weakness. It’s the energy that draws in capable men who lead and have much to offer instead of these directionless man boys who have no idea what they want.
Remember… masculine men fall for the woman they feel they can give to not compete with so learn to receive.
🚫 2. Interviewing Instead of Connecting
The Turn-Off:
Many alpha women treat dates like job interviews. Given I was a Public Relations Strategist for two decades before I was a Life Coach, I offer my clients communications training the same way I’d train doctors on what to say when they go on TV, I help women communicate in a feminine way.
Being feminine requires women to slow down and breathe. So no asking rapid-fire questions, interrupting thinking the more you show him you are smart and fabulous with loads in common, the more he will like you. No.
Stop caring if he likes you. Ask deeper questions and then sit back and let him talk.
What To Do Instead:
Shift from logic to emotion. Masculine alpha women are in their heads. They tend to overthink and want to control the date, the conversation and are often too intense.
Learn how to evaluate them from a place of curiosity instead of judgement.
Be curious about how he thinks, feels, and lives. Talk with him, not at him. Connection isn’t built on resume questions, it’s built on presence, chemistry, and shared energy.
He’s not applying for a position. He’s a human being trying to connect. When a man feels he can tell you anything, he’ll seek you out more and more and will commit. Masculine men want a woman who is an asset not someone who he feels he has to prove himself to.
🚫 3. Over-Explaining Their Independence
The Turn-Off:
"I don’t need a man." "I’ve got my own money." "I’m very picky."
These statements may sound empowering, but to a masculine man, they scream “There’s no room for you in my life.”
Make a pact with yourself to never say these things to men. Again learn to communicate from your feminine self. To do that you first need to meet your higher feminine self. Get started here.
What To Do Instead:
Confidence is sexy. But vulnerability is irresistible. Show that while you’re self-sufficient, you're also open to love, partnership, and support.
It’s not about needing a man. It’s about letting one in.
But how? Get clear on what you truly want and give yourself full permission to want what you want even if society says you shouldn’t want those things.
I had a client 36 years old, a dermatologist with her own practice. She wanted to expand her business and include a medical spa and was working on this goal while dating.
The problem was she also wanted to be a mother and at 36 felt the pressure and the split between the more masculine go-getter side of herself and the natural feminine side to her who wanted to be a stay at home mom who homeschooled her kids, worked out, cooked incredible meals and didn't have any financial pressures.
She felt so guilty admitting this.
She was taught by society (brainwashed more like it) that she should dedicate her 20’s and early 30’s to her education and profession. You need to make something of yourself first and then have a family, was the instruction (and still is), as if women can control when they meet their husband and father of their kids, if they ever do.
At 30, she was well accomplished and started her own practice. By 32 her practice grew even more so she expanded her team and moved into a bigger space.
When she was 35, she attended a skin care conference, and an aesthetician who read about her in a magazine approached her. They exchanged numbers, met up and talked about adding cosmetic procedures to her practice to expand into a medi-spa. She and the aesthetician would be partners. When she analyzed the numbers, my client saw how lucrative it would be. She would be able to cut back her hours to be a mother.
This became her goal. Be in partnership for the purpose of owning a successful medi-spa and dermatology practice.
She reached out to me after she ended things with her boyfriend of 3 years.
She wasn’t really excited about the guy and admitted that he wasn’t husband material and that she settled. She had a limiting belief as most alpha women do, that men find her intimidating and her ex was the only guy who kept showing interest.
I explained that feminized men prefer the caretaker and provider woman. They’re called SIMPS. They basically kiss your ass but defer to you to make all decisions. Eventually you feel drained, depleted, bored and uninspired.
She said yes, oh my God yes!! Exactly yes. She felt like she had all these plans and he would even say she could focus on her career and count on him to be a stay at home dad. Instant turn off and a moment of clarity where she was tired of being the leader with the plan attracting feminized men who wanted a provider.
She hired me to get into her feminine energy and learn how to date as a feminine, alluring woman who attracts the high quality, capable, emotionally aware, mature, “real man,” with a lifestyle of his own that impressed her.
No more directionless men looking to be led.
No more fixing, leading, taking charge, dating the potential because he was the only one still coming around. Girrrrl…he’s coming around because he wants you to be HIS meal ticket. Men these days are golddiggers. Leave them be.
She had to relearn how she communicates about her profession and her goals.
No more guilt and shame around saying the truth about what she wanted and why.
She was dating to attract her husband and father of her kids. So she said this upfront and more importantly, adhered to boundaries that were aligned with this purpose. She explained she is dating for marriage and family and at 36 she’s ready. However who she chooses to marry and have a family with is a very serious decision so she is taking time to fall in love.
When speaking about her professional life, she clearly said she is building a business that will generate income semi-passively so that she can dedicate herself to raising her children.
She said she loves helping people as a dermatologist and is happy to have that to go back to once kids are grown and in school and wants to create a schedule that works for the family. She was clear, family was the priority, not money and stuff, but building a legacy.
The man she’d attract had to be on board with all of these things.
Through coaching with me, my client grew more confident and most of all worthy of her desires. She learned how to communicate what she wanted in a feminine way. She saw the ideal future she truly wanted and energetically put herself on the path towards it.
This was when she met Vincent (Vince), a patient of hers. She was instantly attracted to him the second she met him but wanted to keep things professional. She definitely felt her inner teenage version of her with the “oh my God this guy is HOT, energy.”
So she complimented him. She said that she would remove the sun spot he got on his forehead after skiing in Colorado and his “handsome face” would be just fine.
Over the course of his treatments he’d chat her up and she loved it. There was definitely a vibe. Why? Because she was in her feminine despite it being her practice. They learned through light, casual conversation, that they were both single and were open to love, marriage and family.
Being that Vince is a masculine man, he saw a woman he was interested in and went for it in a classy manner. He sent her flowers with a card that said, “thank you for helping my face stay handsome. Let’s have dinner. ~Vince
She texted him flower emoji and smile faces.
Him: Ahhh you got the flowers!
Her: Yes they are so pretty.
Him: So… dinner?
Her: Yes! I’m available tomorrow night.
Him: Great! You like Greek food?
Her: Delicious! Yes!
Him: Ok I’ll be back in touch with time and place. I know a great spot.
5 minutes later…
Him: 7:30, Taverna Greco
Her: That place is great.
Him: The octopus and lamb is my go to.
Her: sends emoji of octopus with stars.
30 minutes later…
Him: Can I call you tonight?
Her: Sure, I’m available by 9:30
She went on to see patients, spin class after work, got gas, went home showered, ate, and settled in for the 9:30 call.
They chatted for about an hour, got to know each other even more and she ended the call. She didn’t stay on the phone for hours. Feminine women leave men wanting more. Feminine women have self control and date as women, not 16 year olds.
“Ohh it’s almost 10:30. Wow time flies when you are having fun. I must leave you now to get my beauty sleep, and I am looking forward to our Greek Feast tomorrow night. Rest well Vince.”
He tried to keep the conversation going to test the boundary and she laughed playfully and said… goodnight Vince see you toooooo morrrrrr owwwww.
Fast forward a year later… on her 37th birthday he proposed. They got married 6 months later and 11 months after that she had a daughter and then a year after that a son. Married and 2 kids by 40 with a thriving business.
Her medi-spa also expanded to include acupuncture and red light therapy.
She's a partner-owner getting her profits while on leave raising her babies, all because she leaned into what she truly wanted with zero shame or guilt and became flirty and playful which attracted Vince.
🚫 4. Stop Being In Hyper-Masculine Mode
The Turn-Off:
Success often demands masculine traits such as assertiveness, decision-making, productivity. But when you bring that same energy into dating, it repels polarity.
There’s a time to be masculine. These traits are important. All of my clients have these traits. I have them too. However, don’t lead with these traits if you want to attract a masculine man.
What To Do Instead:
Let your feminine energy lead; softness, intuition, playfulness, and emotional openness. Masculine men crave a woman who helps them feel rather than think.
You don’t have to prove yourself. Just be.
🚫 5. Stop Defaulting to Control Due to Fear
The Turn-Off:
Successful women are used to setting goals and achieving them. But love isn’t linear. Look at the example I shared about my client. She had a clear goal, and a plan. However, the reason was to own something so she can work less and be a mother. She was dating with a clear purpose and was fine with walking away from anyone who wasn’t on the same page as she was regarding life goals. She wasn’t controlling, trying to “fix” a man, or get him to want what she wants. This kills attraction.
She was fun to be around, clear about what she wanted and always talked about it in a way that made Vince feel inspired, admired and respected. I taught her to speak in the magic language of femininity. Learn this language and your life changes.
She’d ask for his insights and for help. She was always gracious, thankful and in a good mood. She healed the wounded parts of herself that led to anxiety and overthinking, common of alpha women. She was free to enjoy courtship with Vince. Once they fell in love, they moved things along as a team.
What To Do Instead:
Relax into the unknown. This is very challenging for alpha women. They fear the unknown and want to control outcomes. Learn to enjoy the unfolding. Lean into trust. This is where faith comes into play. Trust yourself and the process. Feminine energy thrives in patience and presence. Be in the moment and when you feel yourself freaking out about anything be vulnerable and say it and watch how the man shows up for you.
Love isn’t a deadline. It’s a discovery. You can’t approach it as another thing you can just order on Amazon Prime. Allow the right love to find you.
Please know that you’re not too much. You’re not too intimidating. But, you might be leading with the part of you that men respect instead of the part they can fall in love with. This is not a difficult thing to shift. I help women with this all the time.
There’s no shame in being powerful but if you want love with a healthy, self-aware masculine man who makes your life easier, you need polarity.
Let your softness be seen. That’s what pulls high-quality, masculine men closer every time.
If you’ve gotten this far in the article it’s because you are serious about handling this alpha energy so that you can have the relationship you truly desire.
I invite you to connect with me to get started.
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~Lisa Concepcion, Certified Professional Life Coach
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