How to Rebuild Self-Esteem and Self Worth After Narcissistic Abuse
If you ended or are ending a relationship with a narcissist, your self esteem and self worth is at an all time low. Right now you are searching for ways to rebuild your self esteem after being with a narcissist. You simply want to feel better. This is normal.
Cutting the toxic energy cord by leaving this abusive relationship and either going no contact or setting some solid boundaries if coparenting with a narcissist is the first step to rebuilding your self esteem and self worth.
As a Life Coach who has been helping people just like you to heal and reinvent themselves after a toxic relationship with a narcissist since 2017, I assure you that what you are feeling right now is totally normal.
Once you commit fully to your healing, you will emerge a stronger, wiser and self loving.
Maybe you feel totally broken, unable to get past the rumination. This is what I can help you with.
I’ve helped hundreds of women and men recover from toxic love and reclaim their confidence, develop self trust, sharpen intuition, enhance clarity, and power.
If they can do it, so can you. All it takes is the decision to heal and a solid support system that deeply resonates with you.
Let’s get into the specifics on how to truly heal and regain your self confidence and self worth so that you feel whole.
💔 Why Narcissistic Abuse Damages Self-Esteem
Narcissists chip away at your sense of self.
They do this by keeping you on alert, through gaslighting, creating chaos, making you question yourself, your value, and keeping you in the fight.
They shift the blame and project onto you. They accuse you of being what they are.
They also are emotionally neglectful making it all about them. You are there for them but they never are there for you unless there is a benefit to them.
Over time you start believing you’re the problem and you might even start making excuses for them.
You start putting yourself down. Then you are invested in the relationship and feel you’re hoping to get back the first few months when everything was great.
They deliberately break you down.
🧠 Coach Insight: “Your brain literally gets wired to associate love with pain, and rejection with proof that you’re not good enough. It’s not you—it’s the programming. And it can be reprogrammed.”
This is the work I do. Let’s get into the steps to heal.
🧱 Step 1: Rebuild the Relationship With Yourself
Going No Contact is the first necessary step. No you cannot be their friend. This is a trauma bond and it needs to be broken in order to heal.
Going No Contact is not easy because of the mental programming that formed through this relationship. For support on No Contact connect with me here and let’s get you strong.
After narcissistic abuse, it is normal to have massive trust issues. Not only are you fearful of attracting another narcissist you also don’t trust yourself to tell the difference between lovebombing and attentiveness.
This is not the time for a rebound relationship. This is the time to surround yourself with people who will provide support.
Healing begins when your commitment to your own peace becomes your top priority.
Pro tips…
Start Small: Make promises to yourself and keep them each day. When I was rebuilding my self worth after being with a narcissist, I read at least 20 pages of a personal development book per day, went to fitness classes, journaled and spent time at the beach. I also gave myself a curfew of 10pm weeknights and 1am on weekends. I lived on South Beach Miami at the time and would escape my misery through nightlife and dating for attention. Setting a curfew made me stick to not dating anyone. I learned to love my solitude and in my solitude, I found my strength.
Lovebomb Yourself: Every day I’d write down 3 compliments to myself on a PostIt and stuck the PostIt to my bathroom mirror. I’d read them all while brushing my teeth in the morning and before bed. Since they were written in my own words, they hit better than basic affirmations.
Get on Task: I kept a to-do list and treated every accomplishment like a win. At the end of each day I’d think about what I accomplished that day, how I cared for myself and what I was grateful for.
Inner Child Work: This was the most powerful thing I did. I reconnected with my inner children and inner teens and then eventually the past wounded versions of myself. Each wounded version of me needed love and nurturing from myself and not other people. This was the foundation for self love and as a recovered codependent, I still do Inner Child Reconnection in my marriage today.
Once you learn my method of Inner Child Reconnection and Reparenting, your life profoundly changes. I’m talking about WEEK ONE!!
💬 Coach Tip: When a client tells me, “I don’t even know who I am anymore,” I know they’re right where the breakthrough begins. This is an indication they are ready to reconnect with themselves on a deeper level.
🧹 Step 2: Clear the Mental Clutter (Their Voice, Not Yours)
Get curious about the inner critic: “Whose voice is that?” For me I heard my ex husband, my mother and my dad. Inner Child Work helped me remove these voices and replace them with The One voice of unconditional love. God’s voice which is full of love and guidance.
I’ll add that getting my self worth back after a relationship with a narcissist inspired me to get deeper into my faith. I learned that my creator loved me no matter what so who cares what people think of me? I became super selective about the company I keep.
Self forgiveness came from there. Guilt and shame shifted to self love and empowerment. As you heal you raise your standards.
Practice mindfulness and self-compassion. (You were surviving. Now it’s time to thrive.) I went for walks with my dog all over South Beach. I also invested time and money into massages, acupuncture, sound bowl meditation sessions, nutrition, courses and coaches.
Hang out with your future self and allow yourself to dream of your ideal life in the future. I did my famous vision wall. Imagine a whole wall with magazine clippings of all the great things I wanted to manifest in life.
I manifested ALL of it. I am living in an eerily similar home as I had on my vision wall with my husband and our dog.
Learn how to set and assert boundaries—even with your own thoughts. Rumination is definitely a thing. It takes loads of mental discipline. I had to be mindful of my thoughts and shift to another positive thought. I’d remind myself that I was thinking about the past and I’d shift to 3 things I want for my future.
🔄 Step 3: Reclaim Your Power Through Action
Start saying “no” more often—especially when it’s uncomfortable.
Narcissists prey upon people pleasers who want to be liked. This form of codependency must be shifted to ensure you’ll never attract a narcissist again. Boundaries and the word NO send narcissists away.
Having a curfew and a no dating until I’m healed rule, was a self imposed boundary. Self discipline is self love.
Focus on what makes YOU happy. Self Love is not Selfish. When you commit to creating a life of peace and fulfillment you start making decisions that are aligned with your peace and fulfillment.
Invest in Yourself: Nothing tells the universe you are serious about positive change than investing time and money into your personal development. Since 2015, I have invested over 100k in my personal development. My present lifestyle is the result.
From coaches and healers to books, seminars, workshops and retreats, I went all in on my self care and personal development. If I can do it, so can you. Always invest in yourself and you will always win.
🛠️ Coach Tool: In my coaching sessions, I help people create their own daily self-worth rituals to shift their energy and rebuild their self confidence and self worth.
❤️🔥 Important Reminder: You Are Not Alone
Healing from narcissistic abuse is very serious. You’re already scouring the internet for information, binging on reels and videos until 2am.
You’ve done enough on your own. You’ve done great so far and now you are ready for the next level.
You deserve support from someone who’s been there, who sees you clearly and believes in you even when you doubt you’ll ever feel better.
If this article speaks to you, I invite you to book a private 1-on-1 Quick Session with me for just $50. Where you can get immediate clarity and specific answers to your questions.
Within minutes you’ll benefit from:
✅ Clarity on where you are in your healing journey
✅ A customized next step based on your specific needs
✅ Real tools to shift out of survival mode and into self-love
👉 Click [here] to book your session. Spots are limited—I only take a few per week. You don’t have to do this alone.
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Because you read the whole article you’re able to take advantage of 90 minutes of one-on-one coaching with me for the price of 60 minutes. That’s 30 minutes EXTRA time for FREE!!
Schedule your session here.
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~Lisa Concepcion, Certified Professional Life Coach for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and Codependency Cure
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