What Do Masculine Men Consider “Wife Material”
As a Life Coach for successful women (and men) I’m often asked what is “wife material” for today’s masculine man. Before I can answer that question, let’s get clear on what a masculine man is. This is typically the type of man that most women want but can’t seem to find or keep.
What is Modern Masculinity?
One can listen to men describe masculinity, which I have and quite frankly, as a feminine woman, I’m nauseated by the leftist obsession with feelings and vulnerability. It’s an obvious manipulation.
The left, which includes blatant marxist feminists, are filled with weak wounded people who appear to be stunted in their own actualization. The leftist ruling class want to parent their subjects and their child-like constituents are so wounded that they want a mommy and daddy telling them how to live, speak and think.
Add in that the left are godless and those who claim to be Christian have been fooled and manipulated.
So the left refers to masculinity that cannot be controlled as “toxic masculinity;” another made up expression thrown into the culture (and spiritual) war we’re all in presently.
Then we look to the right of center. The normal people. The ones who just want to be left alone and don’t need their lifestyle choices validated by society at large.
From what I’ve gathered through my research, according to the center right, aka the more nationalistic, faithful patriotic majority who, let's just say it, either didn’t vote at all, or voted for Donald Trump, describe masculinity as follows.
A masculine man is someone who has certainty about who he is and what he wants out of life. He’s responsible, capable, independent, and mature. He’s a man, an adult. He delays gratification, is disciplined and knows right from wrong. He is stoic, a master of his own emotions and prefers contemplation so that he arrives at solutions that suit not only him but those he is responsible for.
All of these characteristics most likely lead to financially solvent with the ability to live as he chooses. A masculine man may prefer to put his money towards hunting gear yet be happy in his 1800 square foot home.
He may prefer to travel, wear nice clothes, groom himself impeccably and keep his home and car tidy and clean.
Modern masculinity isn’t necessarily about the appearance of a man. It is rooted more in his abilities to thrive regardless of circumstances.
A masculine man knows how to cherish the woman he chooses as his confidant, lover, best friend, and wife. However, he has no problem leading, which means saying no and remaining grounded when women (even those he loves dearly) try to get their way with him.
No is no.
While the women in his life may pout when they don’t get their way, they do respect his decision as final, a sign of respect.
So now that we have some clarity about the modern masculine man, we can shift to the modern women who refer to this man as a “unicorn” doubting his existence.
I’m here to tell you that this type of masculine man does exist. I coach women out of their masculine energy and into their feminine energy (and true power) so they attract these types of men.
If you want to attract a masculine man and can’t seem to get out of your own way click here and get your free LoveLife Assessment and let’s dig into what’s actually going on so you can make the necessary shift.
That said, what do masculine men want in a woman? What does a masculine man consider as “wife material?”
The other day a client asked me if a masculine man would care if she drove a Hyundai and lived in a one bedroom apartment.
I explained to her that the modern masculine man doesn’t care about your car or home in the sense of status. He’s not looking for a provider. He’s looking for a partner. He’s paying very close attention to how you take care of what you have.
He’s noticing how you keep your Hyundai clean and smelling nice. This tells him that if you get married someday and he upgrades you to say, an Alfa Romeo Giulia, he’s confident that you would value and appreciate it and keep it clean.
He’s noticing how you keep your living space. When he sees everything is in order, tidy and clean, he envisions a life together where there isn’t any clutter and the home you have together is well kept.
Yes, masculine men are sizing you up and yes, they are visionaries so they imagine their future. Make sure you’re someone they could see in their future.
Only broke, loser, beta males seeking a mommy figure, care about what you earn and the kind of car you drive.
These are the men asking what you bring to the table but are talking about money. These are the male golddiggers. These losers don’t care that you can cook, clean, sew a tear on the seam of his sweats or make homemade blueberry muffins from scratch.
The brokies will lovebomb you so he can weasel into your home and squat. You end up giving and giving buying into his false promises and potential based on fantasy and hope; two things that cost women a lot of time. Then, good luck getting him out.
Modern men who have their lives together, confident of what they can offer a woman are looking for the following things.
This is your cheat sheet. Take an honest look at yourself as you read on and if you see an opportunity for your own personal development, healing and change, do not squander the opportunity.
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What do masculine men consider wife material?
Femininity & Faith
Femininity is achieved by one way and one way only, inner work and inner work means connecting with your creator and remembering God as the ultimate Source for unconditional love. When you know that your worthiness comes from God and not people, you aren’t codependent seeking validation outside yourself. Masculine men value their own spiritual connection to a higher power. A couple that prays together, and keeps God at the center of their lives weathers the inevitable storms life brings.
A feminine woman is even keeled, peaceful, slow to argue or to prove her rightness. She had her ego and emotions in check. She knows how to self regulate, assert herself, ask for what she wants and needs in a manner that inspires men to cater to her. She takes excellent care of herself both externally and internally. She communicates and carries herself with grace.
2. Loyalty
Women automatically think loyalty means no cheating. While this is a given, to a masculine man loyalty goes deeper. He wants to know that you will carry and conduct yourself as if you are representing the couple you are, even when not together. Which leads to…
3. Respect
When 5 of your friends want to go away on a girls trip to go party in Miami and you say no, this is a show of respect. When they ask you to come out with them on a Friday night and you tell them you prefer to meet for brunch, the masculine man sees you are serious about the relationship and feels respected.
He doesn’t have to endure an argument about an all girls getaway. She understands the agreements in the relationship. You travel together. You go out as a group of friends. If you want time with your girls alone, there’s brunch, shopping, exercise or wellness classes, farmer’s markets, shopping and other ways to spend time together that doesn’t involve alcohol and attention from other men.
4. Values Family over Career
Masculine men want to know that the woman he chooses as his wife will be responsible for their children, especially instilling their values upon their kids.
If older with children from a prior marriage, he will closely observe your parenting style and will come at your child as a mentor, as an example of positive masculinity. If your kids are narcissistic brats, he’s out. Period, point blank.
Masculine men don’t want to be around bratty kids. They simply won’t tolerate it.
If you have a career that can easily translate to a work from home arrangement, say that upfront. Tell him that you are dating to attract your husband and are navigating your career so accommodate motherhood.
A client of mine who was a graphic designer and code writer specifically chose this career path because she loved the creativity element to it and she knew she could work from home so that someday she could be a mom.
After healing her unresolved wounds from childhood, taking full responsibility for her wounded inner child, she was able to feel more secure and truly confident.
Fast forward 5 years and she’s married to a real estate developer and she handles all design renderings while being mom to her children ages 3 and 16 months.
5. Trusting of his leadership.
No one wants a helicopter girlfriend. Trust that he created a great life for himself and is capable of making important decisions. He’ll value your input and will ask for it.
If you have a suggestion, be respectful in your communication and say, “may I add a suggestion?” When he says yes, say “perhaps consider ___ because ___.” You want to add value, and be the counterpart who sees things he might miss. You don’t want to mother.
Let him make the dinner reservations. Pace the relationship. Don’t give too much too soon.
6. No sex until love and commitment, and other high quality boundaries.
Masculine men value women who value themselves and have high quality, healthy boundaries. He wants to know how to win with you. Winning is earning your trust and respect. Stop rushing the sex. A masculine man wants to be enamoured and smitten with you. Throwing your body around before there is love and commitment puts you in the “fun girl” category, not wife material.
Trust me on this. My now husband proposed to me at around 5 months. I told him on our first date that I was dating to attract my husband and because of this I’m not having sex until I’m in love and committed. I also added that I don’t “shack up” so to live with a man I’ll have to be his fiancee and not just a girlfriend with some pretty “shut up ring.”
He knew right from the start that I was high quality, that I valued myself and I’ll add that holding off on sex until love, made courtship incredible and inspired him to think of his future with me in it.
7. Mentally and physically healthy.
Masculine men aren’t interested in some dysfunctional pill-popping feminist with daddy issues. If you struggle with anxiety, depression, or have unresolved childhood trauma, take the next 6 months to focus on getting healthy.
Build a “dream team” of professionals to help you. Soothing with alcohol, weed or pills will repel a masculine man who values mental and emotional wisdom, fortitude and resilience.
I believe in you. There’s a valid reason why you’re struggling. You get to radically care for yourself now so that someone amazing will care for you in the future.
8. An adult relationship with your parents.
This is very important. You do not have to have a perfect relationship with your parents. You do however have to be at peace with whatever type of relationship you have.
I have a client whose mother was a covert narcissist and her father a codependent. She decided to go “no contact” with her mother when she was 30 after her mother refused to visit her in the hospital after a near fatal accident. Her mother took issue with her taking a job in another city and accused her daughter of being a snob too good for everyone else.
My client recovered enough to move, started her new role as director of a new division, and then hired me to help her tell the story of why she’s somewhat estranged from her mother.
She met a man 4 years older than her who has 3 brothers and a sister, a very close knit family. She didn’t want to turn him off because her family was a mess.
I crafted a “message flow” which spun her estrangement into an empowering message about healthy boundaries, what she learned through her own healing and her desire to be a part of a happy, loving family. She came across mature and wise.
His family welcomed her with open arms.
9. Fiscal responsibility.
You don’t have to be on his level but you can’t be in too much debt with not much to show for it. If you have college loans that’s fine. However, if you have a shopping addiction, live above your means, lack discipline when it comes to money, and racked up thousands in credit card debt, then consider getting your finances to a level you can be proud of.
A client of mine was $58,000 in credit card debt. She did one session with me and I suggested she work with a debt resolution specialist and don’t date until she worked out her money wounds.
Two years later she paid off all debts and changed her mindset as it pertains to money. She started learning about crypto, invested with the help of an investment club and was able to use her gains to pay off debt.
She hired me to coach her and she met a man who was an Options Trader and a crypto investor. Had she not gone on her own healing journey around money, she never would have met her now fiancee.
10. Hobbies, interests and commitment to self care.
Masculine men want a feminine woman and a huge part of being feminine is self care. If you are passionate about crochet and you belong to a Saturday morning crochet group do not give up your passions to accommodate him. Tell him on Friday that you have to be up early on Saturday because you have a thing that you are committed to.
I used to have a Saturday spin class at 10 am. I would tell my then boyfriend that I would be available after noon. He liked how committed I was to exercise.
A client of mine who says she started drinking too much during Covid lockdowns, gained weight and decided to lose 30 pounds, stopped drinking entirely. She lost 27 pounds, felt great and met a man who questioned her when she said she was ok with water and lemon.
She explained that she decided to focus on her health and lost 27 pounds in 4 months, cut out booze and sweets but kept carbs. He said that he wanted to go dry also but found it difficult to date without drinking. She explained that she decided to meet people as if she was an 8 year old kid. All about bonding with no need for alcohol.
They got into this whole deep discussion about Covid and how they coped and how churches were closed but Home Depot and liquor stores were open. They were on the same page on world view and felt more connected.
Because she was so committed to her self care, he kept seeing her and they had a beautiful “booze-free” courtship which led to love.
I recently saw on her Instagram that they vacationed in Hawaii and did a charity hike there. Still happy, healthy and in love.
There are other things masculine men look for of course but these are the big ones. Again if you’re reading this thinking you may benefit from making some key changes but don’t know where to begin, start with your free Love Life Assessment.
Let’s get you prepared to receive your masculine man.
~Lisa Concepcion, Certified Professional Life Coach and Founder of LoveQuest Coaching
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