Why You Believed their LoveBombing
They seemed perfect and you were swept off your feet. The good morning texts, texting throughout the day, compliments, intense eye contact, grand plans for the future just weeks into dating. The chemistry is off the charts and you feel like this is it. Your person has arrived in your life. Were you being lovebombed?
“This must be what real love feels like.”
But then... it started to change. The attention faded. The affection soured. You were left confused, hurt, and wondering:
“Why did I believe all of it?”
Perhaps you stayed too long even after seeing the red flags. People who are lovebombed in the beginning spend years in a relationship trying to recapture the first 6 months.
So now here you are searching Google for answers…
"What is lovebombing?"
"Why did I believe their lovebombing?"
"How do I make sure I don’t get lovebombed again?"
Keep reading. Let’s unpack the truth.
What Is LoveBombing?
Lovebombing is a manipulative tactic often used by toxic or narcissistic individuals to quickly gain emotional leverage and control in a relationship.
It looks like intense adoration, over-the-top affection, a lot of your time revolving around them, and… future-faking, which is when they talk about future events such as the vacations you’ll take, the house you’ll live in, “when we’re married someday.”
Lovebombing can also include going above and beyond for the person as if to come to their rescue. This is a massive red flag. Lovebombing is not about love and those early feelings of chemistry and infatuation. It’s about power.
In the early stages, lovebombing shows up as:
Constant texts and calls, even if you barely know them. It’s as if they can’t get enough of you. This is all a grooming tactic and it’s on you to maintain your boundaries. Don’t give all of your time so willingly. Have self discipline with your time.
Overwhelming compliments and praise
Big promises of marriage, moving in, or forever after just a few dates
Gifts or gestures meant to hook your loyalty fast
Pressure to "choose them" quickly
Then once they know they “got you” and you are emotionally invested and that leaving them would be incredibly difficult because you love them, the behavior shifts. They may grow cold, critical, or controlling. You’re left chasing the person they pretended to be.
It was a lie. Who they start to show you is who they actually are.
Why You Fell for the LoveBombing
This is the most important question to ask. Good for you for asking it. This means you have self awareness, accountability and a commitment to learning about yourself so this fake love nonsense never finds you again.
People who fall for lovebombing are often emotionally intelligent, empathetic, and deeply longing for connection. The very traits that make you lovable also make you vulnerable to manipulation. You’re at a moment in your life when you get to learn how to attract healthy, genuine love.
Here’s why lovebombing worked on you:
You were emotionally starved. If you grew up with neglect or inconsistent love, often intensity feels like safety—even when it’s not. Inner Child Reconnection and Reparenting is a modality I teach and facilitate to help people step into self love so their wounded inner child or teen aren’t the ones falling for the lovebombing. Instead the adult version of you selects your partner.
You wanted to believe it. Hope, fantasy, and the desire to be chosen can blind you to red flags. When you learn to choose yourself, you step into self love and manipulative narcissists don’t mess with self loving people. They are predatory. Learn how not to be prey.
You were taught to ignore your gut. People-pleasers or overgivers often rationalize bad behavior to avoid conflict. Too many chances are given because “no one is perfect” and you want to see “the best in others.” You get the love you tolerate and the behavior you accept. Level up by healing.
You mistake chemistry for compatibility. That rush of dopamine feels like love—but it’s often trauma bonding. They ask for more of your time, blow up your phone day and night, ask to stay over too soon, and will say it’s because they can’t get enough of you. Beware, that blaze of intense chemistry leaves you standing in a pile of ashes.
You’re hyper-independent but secretly craving support. A manipulative person can sense your hidden needs and exploit them. This goes for men and women. A manipulative, histrionic woman will manipulate by being extra sweet and nurturing and wild in bed. A manipulative man might pleasure a woman sexually and will keep them in the whirlwind phase of intense courtship. People often describe it as feeling like you are living in a romantic comedy. Living a fantasy.
Learn how to date with confidence and discernment. Learn to set the pace and not get caught up in the rush of new love. When you are grounded, you attract grounded, safe, secure, reliable love.
What You Might Be Feeling Right Now
If you’re reading this, you might be feeling:
Embarrassed that you “fell for it.” Don’t be. They’re master manipulators. You’re loveable so of course someone would fall head over heels for you. Why not right? Next time, pace the relationship.
Angry at yourself or them. This is totally normal and anger leads to vigilance and quest for truth so commit fully to your healing. Shift the anger into self love. Get to the bottom of why you needed to believe the lovebombing. This presents a life changing opportunity for healing.
Confused and unsure what was real. This is the mind-f*ck!! It’s what has you in brain fog and rumination. You replay moments of the relationship. Maybe you start thinking back on the red flags and moments that seemed too good to be true, or even shady. When thoughts move to the past with analysis of the relationship, put your hand on your heart, take a deep breath, hold it for 4 seconds and exhale. Feel your feet planted on the ground. Get back to present moment.
Numb, exhausted, or emotionally drained. This is when you catch a cold, get some random injury and just feel so tired. You may want to stay in and doomscroll. Take walks or get into fitness instead. You want to get into your body. Take an ecstatic dance class and release pent up energy stored in your body.
Scared you’ll fall for the lovebombing again. This is the most common thing my clients share with me. They fear they don’t know if the person is genuinely kind or if they are lovebombing. I teach how to tell the difference and most importantly how to maintain your frame making it impossible to be lovebombed.
Let me say this clearly: It wasn’t your fault. But it is your responsibility to heal and protect yourself going forward. I definitely can help you. You’re entering your self loving badass era. Commit fully to yourself.
How to Make Sure You Don’t Get Lovebombed Again
To stop attracting narcissistic or manipulative people, you must go inward.
✅ Heal your childhood wounds so you stop romanticizing intensity. I’m an Inner Child Reconnection and Reparenting facilitator and Inner Child healing is the most effective and efficient way to make sure you never attract a narcissist again.
✅ Build unshakable self-worth so the lovebombs bounce off you. Accept compliments with a pleasant “thank you” and keep it moving. And… throw out comments letting them know you are in assessment mode. “Wow! Either you’re the person of my dreams, or a total psychopath. I guess we’ll see…” This comment tells them point blank that you value consistency. A comment like this sends a predatory manipulative narcissist running.
✅ Create strong emotional boundaries and stop overgiving. Boundaries are always tested by these narcissistic manipulators. It’s how they determine their ability to influence your decisions. If you’re able to say no and honor your boundaries, they’ll either respect the boundary or insult you for having the boundary. That’s when they show you their true colors and your cue to end it.
✅ Learn the difference between real love and performance. For example, being real is putting their jacket over your shoulders if you're chilly. Lovebombing is taking you shopping on a 3rd date, telling you to pick something out that would look gorgeous when you go to the Amalfi Coast.
✅ Trust your instincts even when they go against what you want to believe. If it feels too good, watch their actions. You’re looking for consistency over time. Granted, relationships evolve and how you are at month 2 is different in month 8 but, the relationship should evolve into more peace and real connection not, eggshell walking, insecurity, jealousy and rages of anger along with belittling.
You Deserve Real, Healthy, Lasting Love
Doing the inner work insures that you don’t repeat this pattern. Having the right support to heal the part of you that was trained to mistake chaos for connection and compliments for commitment will accelerate and solidify your healing. My methods (which I used on myself a decade ago) have been what’s helped my clients. You don’t need years of therapy. What you need is integrative coaching.
Lovebomb yourself!! Step into true self worth and real confidence. No one will ever surpass the love you show yourself. This is what I empower my clients to do. They end up attracting the love they always wanted and needed.
So hopefully after reading this you’re fired up to take action and handle this whole lovebombing situation once and for all. Here’s how best to proceed. Let’s roll!!
👉 Book a 1-on-1 coaching session with me and get a personalized plan to finally attract safe, secure, emotionally available love.
👉 Or if you prefer gentle guidance at your own pace, enroll in my monthly email coaching for bite-sized breakthroughs in your inbox.
👉 Want to dip your toe in? Take the Free Love Life Assessment or join my Self Love Club Facebook Group for connection and clarity.
Lisa Concepcion
Certified Professional Life Coach
Founder of LoveQuest Coaching