How to Get People to Value You More by Raising Your Standards
If you are fed up with people not valuing you this article is for you. I’m Lisa Concepcion Certified Professional Life Coach who specializes in helping people get to the root cause of why they struggle to thrive in healthy relationships and tend to attract takers, manipulators, low effort people who don’t value them. If this sounds like you, keep reading.
Many people have their lives together professionally yet struggle when it comes to dating and relationships. Since these people are used to achieving and getting whatever they put their energy and effort into, it becomes quite frustrating when they can’t attract people who value them.
If you keep settling for less than you deserve, fail to make an exit when the first red flag appears, tolerate bad treatment, give people access to you despite their low effort, then major changes need to happen.
Want to change this?
Start here by getting your free LoveLife Assessment.
How to Get People to Value You More by Raising Your Standards
The most important thing to know is that the quality of the relationships you attract directly correlates with the standards you set for yourself.
Keep in mind too that most of the people I coach do very well for themselves professionally. Many of the women are independent and self reliant. Many of the men are thriving financially, yet struggle when it comes to relationships.
There is a valid reason for this struggle and it has to do with your wounded inner child which you now get to connect with and re-parent.
This is what I teach. For more information on how your Inner Child ruins your relationships, read this article. Be sure to get the FREE pdf Inner Child Reconnection and Reparenting Packet available in the article.
If you are tired of the pattern of dead-end relationships, anxious attachment, poor communication, and even abusive manipulators, this is your time for positive change.
The second you get clear on what you want, believe it exists, raise your standards and behave in alignment with those standards, you will start to attract the high-quality people you desire.
As a Certified Professional Life Coach, I’ve helped countless clients just like you to get to the root cause for their relationship patterns, and help them heal.
Now let’s get into how you can raise your standards, build your self-worth, and finally attract someone who truly values you. Let’s get started.
Step 1: Be Aware of What You Tolerate (and Have Tolerated)
Be honest with yourself. Do you tolerate poor treatment because you fear being alone? Do you accept emotional distance, mixed messages, confusion and inconsistency or low effort because you carry a deep belief that tells you this is the best you can get?
When you allow poor treatment, you send a subconscious message that you don’t value yourself enough to be treated well.
Again there is a valid reason why you may tolerate disrespect, breadcrumbing, manipulation, and low effort from a partner.
It’s time to commit to finding out WHY you tolerate less than you desire.
Ask yourself these important questions:
Are you settling for people who don’t make time for you?
Are you in relationships where you feel undervalued or ignored?
Do you find yourself constantly putting in more effort than the other person?
It’s important to recognize these patterns so that you can take action to stop tolerating them moving forward.
Step 2: Get Clear on What You Desire in a Relationship
Raising your standards requires knowing exactly what you desire in a relationship.
Many people aren’t clear on what they want because they aren’t clear about their own worth.
This leads to accepting whatever attention comes your way even if the person doesn’t align with your values.
To start, I’ll work with you to help you get very clear on what you truly want in a partner. Here’s how.
Define Your Non-Negotiables: These are the qualities you absolutely need in a partner, such as loyalty, honesty, shared values, and emotional intelligence. Write them down and commit to never settling for anything less.
Know Your Deal Breakers: Recognizing what behaviors are completely unacceptable to you. Things such as dishonesty, abuse, manipulation, control, drug or alcohol issues, poverty, lack of self-discipline, lack of effort, or disrespect are just a few examples.
Clarity about what you won’t tolerate, helps you to set clear boundaries that protect your self-worth.
Know your own value. You are worthy of a healthy, loving, and fulfilling relationship. When you believe that, you’ll begin to attract people who align with that belief.
Step 3: Build Your Self-Worth
This is where Inner Child Work comes into play, which I facilitate. It’s truly the most efficient and effective way to step into solid and consistent self love and self care.
If you were made to feel you weren’t enough and that love was conditional and your needs weren’t met as a child and teen, then it’s likely you’ll be a people pleaser, who is a magnet for users and takers.
The good news however is that there is a way out of the “I’m not enough” loop.
You have the power to rebuild your self-worth and start attracting healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Building your self-worth comes from within. It’s about shifting your mindset and taking consistent actions that reinforce your value.
This is exactly what I can help you to do. Begin by telling me more about your specific situation through the Free LoveLife Assessment.
Here are some practical steps you can take to start building your self-worth in the context of relationships:
Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional and physical well-being. Self care is more than eating well, exercising and grooming. That’s external self care. Internal self care is more about self connection and giving yourself what you need, the stuff you are trying to get from relationships.
Set Boundaries: Boundaries are the foundation of self-respect. If you don’t have clear boundaries in your relationships and don’t feel confident asserting boundaries in a manner that gains respect, people will take advantage of you. Learn to say NO to things that don’t align with your values. Stop the people pleasing and over extending because you want love. This is a sign of codependency and codependent people are perfect targets for narcissists.
Affirm Your Worth: Positive affirmations can be a powerful tool in rebuilding your self-worth. Every day, remind yourself that your worthiness comes from God, your creator, not other humans. Your heart beats without you having to do anything. That’s how loved you are. Believing in yourself requires faith that something greater than mankind loves us all unconditionally. Connect to spirit and you’ll connect to self love.
When you begin to build your self-worth, and truly love yourself first, most best and always you’ll find that you no longer tolerate any nonsense.
Your vibrational frequency will rise and you’ll naturally begin to attract high-quality individuals who value you as you value yourself.
You’ll be at peace in your solitude, never lonely, always fulfilled. This way of being repels toxic narcissistic people and attracts self loving, healthy, happy, people.
Step 4: Raise Your Standards in Dating and Relationships
Now that you’ve recognized what you’ve been tolerating, gotten clear on what you deserve, and built your self-worth, it’s time to raise your standards in dating and relationships. Here’s how to do it:
Stop Settling for Less: If someone isn’t meeting your standards, don’t be afraid to walk away.
If you struggle with this and stay too long trying to fix or change people by teaching them how to love and care for you, this is codependency and I can help you cure codependency once and for all.
I’ll share all I did to cure myself of codependency. Learn more about Self Love Mastery here.
2. Be Selective: Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t match your vision of your ideal partner. You have the right to be selective and to take your time finding someone who is on the same page as you; emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
3. Communicate Your Expectations Clearly, Succinctly and Gracefully: Be upfront with potential partners about your standards for how you want to be treated in a relationship. The right person will be eager to meet your needs without lovebombing or other manipulation tactics.
Step 5: Take Action and Get Support
Back in 2015 after my divorce, I was at the lowest low. I had to take an honest look at my life and the choices I made. I had to free myself from the anguish, anxiety, depression and self sabotage. So, just like you I started Googling and researching. I connected with a therapist who told me I was codependent.
I committed a full year to healing. No dating, no distractions. I even gave myself a curfew; pretty hard to do living on South Beach, Miami Florida. But, I stepped into personal development and built a “dream team” of experts, coaches, and healers to help me rebuild.
You cannot do this alone.
My healing journey is what opened me up to receive the call to help others. I changed my entire career and life.
You can too but you must take action. Reading articles and watching videos isn’t going to cut it. It will get you information but information without application won’t bring transformation.
You literally have to become someone new from the inside out.
Raising your standards isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Your life will change for the better.
You’re still reading because you know what’s going on in your life and know it can’t continue and your future self is calling you forward to the ideal life that exists in your mind.
Make it happen! I did. I’m now married, living in my dream home, loving my career and life.
I’m here to help you every step of the way and share what I did with you to accelerate your healing.
There’s no reason why you can’t achieve massive change within 90 days and then attract the type of relationship you truly want this year!
I encourage you to schedule a one-on-one session with me and/or get your free LoveLife Assessment for clarity. Both options are available here.
Together, we’ll work on getting to the root cause of what’s holding you back from attracting the love you deserve and develop a personalized plan to help you raise your standards and attract the partner you’ve always wanted.
About Lisa Concepcion
Lisa Concepcion is a Certified Professional Life Coach and the founder of LoveQuest Coaching, where she helps individuals build healthy relationships by raising their standards and attracting partners who truly value them. With years of experience and a passion for empowering others, Lisa has helped countless clients create loving, fulfilling relationships.
By following the steps in this article and taking action, you can stop tolerating bad treatment and low effort and begin attracting the high-quality love you deserve. Let’s connect!
Follow me on Instagram and on Tiktok
Join my Facebook Group the Self Love Club.
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel after Checking out this video on How To Heal From Narcissistic Abuse and Codependency.
Or take massive action and book a session with me today.
~Lisa Concepcion, Certified Professional Life Coach & Founder of LoveQuest Coaching